Wonderwall

no shit

2011-09-05T17:01:00.001+08:00

Blardy hell. My phone refuses to login to my new account. And I have an obscene amount of need to blog this..

I miss you. The you I had. I really do.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that. But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt that. Where's the sense in that? I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were.

But I will go down with this ship, and I won't put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door. I'm in love, and always will be.

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again. And I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you can't talk to me again. And if you live by the rules of 'its over' then I'm sure that that makes sense.

I'm in love, and always will be..

~you will think that i've moved on..~

this is goodbye

2011-09-03T13:13:00.002+08:00

This blog comes and goes just as your disappearances. Waitibg till the day I'm done feeling like a 24 hour open store, life would be a little better.

I shall abandon this blog as it has abandoned me, coming back when it feels like.

Goodbye. I have moved. I am now thebrandiedcherry.

~over n over again~

unintended

2011-07-23T12:29:00.000+08:00

Dear emo sai day. Please make things easier for me. Glad I have my kids. They give me high blood pressure but they can take away the pain for a moment.

You could be my unintended. Choice to live my life extended. You could be the one I'll always love. I'll be there as soon as can. But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before.

~harder to breathe~

想念是会呼吸的痛

2011-07-10T02:18:00.000+08:00

Long time since the last time I didn't give in to the monthly fluctuations of hormones.

The monthly issue always made me crazy. Made me want to cry when I think..

I'm surprised, I thought finally this time it'll come and go and I'm going to just be me.

I'm wrong.

Great. No, everything is not ok. If this is how you imagine it'd be, you've got it.

Here's me being ridiculous. This goldfish got to last the whole day tomorrow. 10am to gawd knows what time. It's a freakishly long day tomorrow.

I need to get to bed don't I.

~找不到一首能唱出心理的痛，只能和泪水等待明天，也许明天会更好~

babylicious

2011-06-23T02:41:00.000+08:00

Note to self:

If you want a baby, you've got to work MUCH harder.

~mummy vibes? LOLS~

define hurt

2011-06-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

Feeling of loss just comes and goes so often. Simply, these are consequences you live with. If you really want something, you would make sacrifices just to get to it. But if you're half-hearted, you don't get there halfway, because half-hearted measures brings you nowhere. I'm getting nowhere. How do you put your heart into doing something your heart hurts just to do it? It's just like trying to cut deeper and deeper into an open wound.

It's okay. It's all going to be okay. Somehow its for the best.

Some days I make it through, and then there's nights that never end
But still I have to say, I would do it all again, just want you to know.

~everything~

a movie a day

2011-05-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

Everyday, living life as if it were a movie. If only I could skip to the ending, then we would all know what is really worth it.

I miss my piano.

Dose of adrenaline yesterday, thanks to Rec 2.

Great dose of fun and humor today, thanks to Kung Fu Panda 2!

Then an extra dose of 'a true story', thanks to Mary and Max. Interesting.

I'm sleepy.

Trying not to pack my current week. TOO busy.

Calling for another break again. Someone help me. Please.

~grey eyes~

3.33am

2011-05-14T03:34:00.001+08:00

If only I can see how much I mean to you..
If only I can tell how special I am to you..

Or maybe I'm asking for the impossible.

So tired, really, feeling like such an idiot for feeling so much but see nothing on the other side of the tunnel. There is a faint light.

~candle light flickering~

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the high

2011-05-14T00:36:00.001+08:00

I may be a little too high. But I had a flash back of our first kiss.

I miss..

~sobs~

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truth is..

2011-05-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

I wish that was me. I wish I was there. I wish I felt it. I wish I'm feeling it. I wish I had it. I wish I was in it. I wish I didn't do that. I wish I didn't have to dream. I wish I wouldn't hurt. I wish I wouldn't bleed. I wish I couldn't feel. I wish I didn't go through all that. I wish I was perfect.

I wish I didn't need to wish.

I wish it was all different.

How did we end in such a position? Said the trainer on the stage. Diversification! That's the power of diversification.

What if it is not diversifiable?

How did I end in such a position? Nah things seem to be getting a little better now. I have less worries. Do I?

Looking at the training hall, how someone's passion and career can put hundreds to sleep. Poor guy. I wish I'd never need to talk music to a bunch of people who are nodding off.

I wished too much now the word 'wish' looks over-abused.

I wish I was a genius in music. So I wouldn't need to think so much about jamming later.

Snooze.

~wished~

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oh soooo pissed!

2011-05-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

Can't stand that stupid ass! Omg friggin bugger. Why am I still meeting him? To shut his stupid ass up. He better leave me alone after. Blardy %$&*#! Why!? Why can't all these buggers just leave me alone. Stop friggin telling me good morning on FB, on sms, on whatsapp. Stop friggin telling me random things about your boring day and try to ask me to do things your way. Stop pretending you know me so well. Stop asking me to chat with you. Stop bugging me to meet you. Stop thinking it as a friggin DATE. I will NEVER go on a DATE with your bugger ass! You don't even know what a date is stop abusing the word!

I feel a need to PUNCH somebody right now.

Don't.Piss.Me.Off

~swat the flies!~

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needs

2011-04-16T11:03:00.001+08:00

Can't believe how lonely and empty one can feel even when surrounded by people who cares. Can't believe its the first time in 6 years I feel so terribly alone during my birthday. Is it just the age getting to me? Tiredness?

Whole day of work to enjoy on my birthday. Great.

~why~

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it's past tense

2011-04-04T16:21:00.001+08:00

'I know it's a little bit strange, it's all a little bit strange. At the end of the day, I'm going to say what I mean.'

It's hilarious cause I put things in code and now I can't figure out what it means.

~i was there~

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G. N. Humi

2011-03-17T01:21:00.001+08:00

As the days go by
As the seasons change
I fear I can't keep up

~consequences of my own undoing, i fear~

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give me your reason why

2011-03-11T12:06:00.001+08:00

When you're so used to making time and space out of your life for someone, it's hard to stop and fill your life, with just yourself. It has become so much of a conscious habit that kicking it actually hurts. This is how amazingly stupid human emotions can be.

Next up, packed week.

~baby you're a firework~

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hunger(s)

2011-03-11T02:31:00.001+08:00

Detachment. Tiredness. Stress.

Comfort. Sleep. Relaxation.

Want. Need. Hope.

Pray. Do. Truly.

~its not always what it seems~

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wish i could blog in code

2011-03-09T15:39:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I'd do if things go the way I imagine. Picture insanity. I may have started it all but its not any easier for me. I said I know what I'm doing because I really do. Only a stranger knows my ideal situation cause that's the best I can do besides dreaming, hoping and wishing that one day...

I wish I can stop being me for a while.

Most of all I wish I could go away one day. I have a date in mind but no place and no one to go with. I've never gone anywhere on my own. Such a tempting idea.

So much more. It's all there, a ball of emotion, not going anywhere. Maybe that's why it's so hard. But nobody said it was going to be easy.

~got to get myself back to the ground~

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BUS-ted

2011-02-19T10:45:00.001+08:00

Every Saturday morning I have to curse at the damn bus. Today I blame the damn traffic light. If it turned a minute earlier I would have caught the bus. If there wasn't the damn yellow box, I would have caught the bus. Friggin hell I ran for the damn bus but the driver was busy looking out for traffic to cut into the yellow box. Friggin hell now I have to sit at the damn bus stop and wait for the next damn bus!

So irritated!!!

I love nail art, I think they are absolutely pretty. Really salute ladies who wear them 3D for weeks. It has barely been a week and I can't stand it. Its pretty, yes! But it gets in the way way too often! Washing my hair, washing the dishes, handwashing clothes, digging for stuff in my bag, when I play the piano etc. I can forsee this would be the first and last time I'd do my nails this way. Plain nails is simplicity, and simplicity is best. Sigh!

~great, the 'next' bus is CRAWLING on the roads~

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KILL!!

2011-02-12T11:19:00.001+08:00

Correction. The blardy bus ride only took 10mins!!!!! Aaaahhhhh!!!! KILLKILLKILL!!!! I waited 34mins for a 10mins bus ride. Friggin hell stupid bus!!!!

~still wants to kill!~

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KILL!

2011-02-12T11:08:00.001+08:00

Blardy pissed! Waited 34mins for the friggin bus! The journey only takes 20mins. Due to the stupid long wait I am damn friggin late! So damn pissed now! If I'm late for this class, extending the lesson would mean that I'll not have time for lunch. Damn this stupid bus! The next bus is only 12mins apart. Why in the hell I have to wait 34mins??

Angryyyy!!! KILLKILLKILL!!!!

~Kill.kIll.kiLl.kilL~

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read into these words

2011-02-07T13:36:00.000+08:00

This song speaks EXACTLY about how I feel. TOTALLY.

"Hate That I Love You"
(feat. Ne-Yo)

[Rihanna:]
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]
But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oh..)

[Ne-Yo:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]
Yeah... Oh...

[Rihanna:]
That's how much I love you (as much as I need you)
That's how much I need you (oh..)
That's how much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...

~hate it~

blardy.FRIGGIN.hell

2011-01-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

Why? Why when I bother to CARE whether everyone has enough food when NO ONE in the same damn family does the same for me?

Asked me if I'm going to have dinner at home. I said YES. I came home and SURPRISE! They said they finished all the food. There is only soup left. OH WOW. YES THANKS.

This isn't the first time.

The best part?

I went to buy cookies. 2 boxes that costs me $50+. Walked through the door, asked me why I'm carrying so many things. I said I bought cookies. Reply was, 'don't eat that kind of cookies'. LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF COOKIES I BOUGHT.

Do things for this family, not appreciated. NOT THE FIRST TIME.
Come home for dinner, nobody left anything. NOT THE FIRST TIME EITHER.

What kind of message do you think you're sending me?

%&%^#&!%&!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH PISSSEEDD!!!

~NOBODY. ME. NOBODY~

Best sunday of 2011 so far..

2011-01-03T01:03:00.001+08:00

2nd of Jan is the best Sunday of 2011. Not just because it is the first Sunday of 2011, I had a pretty awesome day!

12.00am, was already at my babie's house. Slept till 3am, went airport to send my friend off.

Reached home around 5am, woke my babie at 10am, and slept till 11.55am.

Made a pizza containing tomato paste, spiced minced meat, mushrooms, salami, pineapples and 3 types of cheese. Then went on to slice kiwis. Peeling kiwis is damn fun! Forced my didi to use my method. Hahaha!!! Made avacado honey milkshake for everyone.

Finally had my lunch at around 3pm with the milkshake! Which was really good by the way!

Went to nap at around 4pm, got woken up by whatsapp, smses and calls at 530pm.

Met my friend for dinner at around 7pm, met babie around 8.

Bought Koi! And went to babie's place. Babie had the 2 slices of pizza I made.

Finally got home at 1215am.

How to beat such a fantastic Sunday? Especially when most of the other Sundays of 2011 will be spent working. =( SIGH...

~face it, it was awesome! <3~

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fantasy

2010-12-09T01:39:00.001+08:00

I suddenly had a fantasy. It was to fire everyone in my life and run away to start all over again. I have no money and no idea how and where to run, but among all the shit it just looks so appealing.

So what if running away doesn't solve anything? I just feel like I can't take it anymore. I don't know how much longer I can hold myself together. Everyone wants a piece of me. Yes it is as bad as it sounds. But I wish it was as easy as being ripped apart by wolves. Cause I'm suppose to be handing out these pieces of myself to all who asks for it. What's left for me?

And suddenly I feel like I need a doctor to look into my brain. I need someone to tell me what the hell is wrong with me.

I'm just so tired I want to run away. Alone.

~run away~

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iTouch

2010-12-07T10:49:00.001+08:00

What does it mean to dream of a terrible snake, crocodiles and a gunman either trying to kill or killed people. Having all these dreams recently and they all mean terrible things don't they?

Sitting in this training that I wouldn't say is boring but pretty much waste of time. Just want to get out of here. Ok at least they're now playing some music. Carrying Andre around just makes me want to play music!

Oh yay! Found a cute Smurf game on iTouch! Hope that will keep me entertained.

~the bochap-ness irritates~

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a little positivity

2010-11-27T12:25:00.001+08:00

Today is one of the better weekends because I get to work from home instead of sitting at the studio till late. But I'm rushing really last minute work. Rushing tomorrow morning's lesson plan. Don't even have much idea what to do! Damnit.

Everyday is going to be a better day. After crying over some shit just 2 days go, things did pick up a little. And it only seems a little better because, it probably can't get any worse than it already was. Not that I have less to worry and stress over, I just have to learn to move on, take care of myself, and fight. And constnatly remind myself I friggin need to stop pinning certain hopes on certain people because everytime it goes the opposite of my expectations, I die a little inside.

Just because I seem like I can take care of myself, doesn't mean I don't need to be taken care off. Also doesn't mean I have the ability to take care of everyone else at the same time.

Just because I work 7 days a week, doesn't mean I'm anywhere near rich. I'm quite sure if I were to take up a proper full time office job, I'd probably earn a little more than what I'm earning now. But I'm not giving this up because I love teaching.

Guess it's not that crazy my lecturer quit his lawyer job to teach after all. He said he loves to teach. Crazy people like us, it's not all about the money. Maybe it's stupid. But it's my life, I'll screw it up my way.

~catch the sun~

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stare into my silence

2010-11-22T17:27:00.001+08:00

What do you see when you look at me? I see too much I don't want to see, too much I don't want to remember. Too many times I asked 'what the hell is wrong with me', it's nothing short of a mystery. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what to do. Then I realise I'm looking into a mirror. Why have we grown to be the same? We retreat into ourselves till it seems there's nothing else in this world. This awful familiarity that maybe I should try to wake up from. I never felt a 100%. Part of me will always be somewhere else, out there. Emptiness. Dead. Silent. That is my split personality.

If I have to drag myself through this then maybe this is not for me. I see an opportunity, I feel it so often, but nothing in me is moving towards that direction. It's painful to talk about, hurts to think of. I am exhausted. Totally exhausted inside out but yet I trudge along to a pace as good as standing still. Every step of the way filled with doubt, I want to go, give up, disappear. But I'm still here, with my silence, thinking maybe, just a little longer, it will change.. just a little longer..

~snap out of it~

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summing up Sat morning

2010-11-20T12:40:00.001+08:00

Left home a little late today, but got to my little kid's place on time. However, bus ride over was so fishy! Literally. Stinky.

Finally out of desperation and therefore guts, gave my namecard to her mum who was super friendly. But of course I was too late. Imagine this. Two weeks ago my kid gave me a pack of plasters given to her by Pru. Today I had the honour to write in a brand new notebook given to her by Pru. O.M.G.L.O.L.S.

GG-ed.

And then came the rumbling thunder. I hurried my little kid to listen so I could go cause I didn't have an umbrella and the threatening sounds of the thunder reminded me of the plentiful walks I need to take to get home. And my little kid ran to her mum announcing at the top of her lungs 'Mummy! Teacher Grace got no umbrella! Faster lend her! Faster!'

That's my little kid for you.

Gawd. I'm on fishy bus again. The fish must have swam out of the bag, leaving behind its own version of potpourri. Dried gut stains exuding fishy-death fragrance.

The whole of next week is action packed with non-stop working and no dinners till after 8pm. For now I'd agree with most of the normal human populationm 'yay it's the weekends!'. At least I'm just stuck in a freezer for most of these two days. And I miss my kids! So not too bad.

~wait, who am I again?~

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plurality

2010-11-19T15:25:00.000+08:00

Panic!

I confess. I'm a dreamer. I dream of so many things big and small. But I don't think I ever had any of them coming true (Rarely maybe? Once in a purple moon?) So a 1% progress of a dream becoming a reality is just so exciting! All the things I have to get done comes in long lists in my head and I picture myself standing in my victory. OUR victory!!

Sure I've talked about it enough times to plenty of people. I really thought maybe when I was 50 I'd stand back and laugh at this NATO moment. No, I never knew I'd be so lucky to have someone pushing me, reminding me of a dream I can fulfill. WE can fulfill! So I can't dream anymore can I? It's time to be serious, to have a proper plan and resources, to step out of dreaming about it once in a while, it's time to grow up.

Now, to have a beginning, we have to have the picture of the end in our minds. Though the 'end' is nothing but a 'new beginning', these words simply symbolize the stages we'll be going through. Meanwhile, while we search for ways to take the first big step, I can still dream right? =)

The higher the hopes, the more painful the fall from failure. Let's all hope these words will not remain 'just words', but the introduction to a whole story of our lives, and a beautiful reality.

For once, they're not just my words anymore. They have become OURS.

Can you see how this doesn't just refer to a single issue, situation, plan, dream? Or maybe it's just me.

~plurality <3 ~

pigments

2010-10-17T20:35:00.001+08:00

No I had a sucky weekend.

Shut up and go away.

~non troppo~

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rainrain go away though i don't want to work today

2010-10-17T09:39:00.002+08:00

There's just something about this song. I really love it!

I am sailing
Stormy waters
To be near you
To be free

I am flying
I am flying
Like a bird
'Cross the sky

I am flying
Passing high clouds
To be near you
To be free

Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Through the dark night
Far away
I am dyin', forever tryin'
To be with you
Who can say

Rain cloud is following me around. Sigh..

~sailing~

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exam shit

2010-10-16T14:03:00.001+08:00

Been too long since I last blogged!

On my way to work. Keep thinking about my revision. Wake up every morning and first thing I do is panic over my revision. If only I could take a couple of weeks off work. Seriously, why isn't this some sort of employee benefit thing. Damnit. And before I go to sleep at night I panic again. Excellence.

My wonderful ball of cuddley fluffy stinky fun, Princess, suddenly feels like she has to be spoon fed. Literally. And seeking so much attention, so much more than usual, as my exams are approaching. Another excellence.

I don't want to go to work. I had a little momentum going on just now and now I need to leave for work. Its not fair!

My hair is damn friggin messy. Irritating..

~crap life~

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tomorrow tomorrow!

2010-09-30T12:52:00.001+08:00

Finally making my first trip to my favourite spot to mug. Exam is in 3 weeks time. Just nice 1 module per week. Ya as if that is ever going to happen.

This guy keeps looking at me whenever I look up from my phone. I feel like I'm over-dressed. Hahaha! But all I'm wearing is a dress flipflops and carrying an oversized bag. Okok I know theres two super obvious red spots on my face. Damn pimples.

Can't wait for tomorrow! Going to have an awesome day with my awesome sweetie! And I'm going to be wearing my latest creation. Who cares if I'm going to work. Too bad if they decide to fire me over my creativity. Music IS after all about being creative isn't it? Excuses. Lols! Yay! Happy! =D Happy 2years 2months my love!

Ok chunz this post is not me being emo. Hahaha! Just bored. Lalala.

~undead My blog~

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panic stricken

2010-09-25T12:27:00.001+08:00

Children's Day is coming! Don't know what to get for all my kids. Hmm.

Felt like I hardly slept today. Had to drag myself out of bed. This Princess was so noisy! Kept barking. No idea what she was barking at. Must remember to buy her food today!

Sleepy. How to last through today? Sigh!

Oh I'm on the same bus I took just know. Lols! So it takes about an hour for the bus to come all the way back.

Ok yes I'm very bored. Blogging about random nonsense. Partially also cause I feel like I have a fish bowl cupped over my head.

Had nice Thai food yesterday with my babie! The Pad Thai and Thai Ice Tea is the closest to what I tasted in Thailand. =) I love Thai Ice Tea!!! Something about the tea leaves they use. Yummie!

Also did some shopping. How is it that my retail therapy session only had me bringing one new pair of heels home? Sigh.. I should have gotten the bag as well! Or bags. And shoes. And clothes. Oh wait! I did buy 2 spags! Lols! Ok not that bad after all I guess? =/

Moremoremore! More retail therapy!

Exams are coming, exams are coming, kill me now!

~final sprint~

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hate feeling like an emo shit

2010-09-24T02:33:00.001+08:00

I like to feel needed. I hate to feel needy. It sux to the core I feel like shit just cause I haven't seen you for a while. I hate feeling like this. Emo shit. So angry!!!

Words. The same words coming from different people can be a great difference. Cause in the end of the day, some are nothing but words, while some ends up being imprinted permanently.

Hungry. My stomach is growling when I'm in bed. Sigh.. Dinner was good though! Didi cooked Salmon brown rice!

Ok. I should sleep now.

Sweet. As long as I don't go crazy. This is an example of words.

~what Is wrong???~

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bored in lecture

2010-09-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

Suddenly afraid that I might have spammed your life. LOLS. HILARIOUS.

More options in life doesn't make it better. Not when all options look almost as good as each other. All has its ups and downs. Sometimes I just wish someone can make some options so I don't have to make them all.

Saw nice pair of heels today before I dragged myself away from the shelves of shoes at New Look. Want to buy shoes!

I'm crazily bored, blogging in lecture. =( So bored with everything in life. So sad!

~the sad truth~

just another =(

2010-09-23T00:18:00.001+08:00

Feels like crying cause my sweetie is hurt and I'm not there. And whats with the stupid headache the whole day? Barely there but still irritating.

Just feel so =( today. No mood to do anything. Thinking of flying someone's aeroplane to run to my babie's side.

I guess, I need him more than he needs me now. Hahaha. Irony.

~just Cause u cant see it, doesnt mean its not there~

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longing feeling

2010-09-22T01:24:00.001+08:00

I had crab for dinner tonight. 1 whole flower crab to myself! I prefer the usual kind though. Sri Lankan crab is that what its called? No idea. Hahaha.

Feel like I can't fall asleep. I didn't have any coffee or tea, just a nice Ice Blended Banana Chocolate from Coffee Bean. Not bad! Still.. Feels like something is wrong.

Hate that exams are coming. Sigh!

And all the good shows new seasons are starting now. And I discovered a new place to watch shows. And I'm hooked on a new show. Everytime I screw myself over. Kill me please.

Meeting client at faraway place later! Gawd. Why?? People I'm meeting keep dragging the meetups closer and closer to my exam dates. I'm not that free people!

Boston? Sigh.. My greatest fear is........ Redundant? Ridiculous? Dumb? Atrocious?

Stressed.

~that Longing feeling~

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plus one

2010-09-16T21:57:00.000+08:00

The Experiment feels so unfinished. Hmm. Don't know why.

Finishing up (hopefully) today's movie marathon with:
The Joneses

No idea what this movie is about. Want some comedy in my life.

~+~

love lollipop love popsicle

2010-09-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

Today's movie list consists of:
1) The Crazies
2) Ice Age 3
3) The Experiment

Alright, going to be proof reading my group project while watching the third movie! Has my favourite actor! The lead guy from The Pianist. It's a very good movie too. Watched it a few times.

Icecream outing has been postponed to tomorrow. Tomorrow's going to be such a fun day! No work! Student cancelled on me again! But just nice, gave me more time to celebrate Suri's birthday! Yay! Which means no movie day tomorrow.

Stuck. Don't know what to do for the two other new tops I bought. Not sure where to start cutting from. Sigh! Not creative.

~itchy!~

moooovieeesss!

2010-09-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

I watched so many movies today couldn't even remember what I've watched. Had to look through my history to see what I've watched. LOLS. Achievement! Hahaha! PLUS I've finished my part!

1) Twelve
2) Frozen
3) The Girl Next Door
4) Case 39
5) The Other Guys
6) The Last Exorcism
7) Held Hostage

I have a date with a handsome sweetie tomorrow. We're going to have icecream! Yay! Celebrate end of all my projects! Last project ever!

~chair potato, no couch =(~

someone else inside?

2010-09-13T00:55:00.001+08:00

So inspired to workout. Really miss the times when I was more disciplined. Hahaha! That was over a year ago. =x

Wish I could get my tongue pierced, get a Monroe piercing, belly piercing (provided I have a hot babe figure) and a tattoo(s). Too bad society judge people by their appearances. Just cause I get all those done doesn't mean I can't teach as well as I do now. Not saying that I'm good, just trying to point out I don't become dumber after those minor modifications. Oh! And highlight my hair with streaks of hot pink! Bleached of course! To make it REALLY stand out. Or red would be lovely too! I recently saw this really nice piercing that's done on the wrist. So pretty... If only!

I really need to go to sleep now. Despite my brain going at thousands of miles per hour. Need to be up early. Plus tomorrow's going to be a long day. I want to go jogging!

Sometimes I feel like I'm really another person inside. At least physically I don't want to look so plain. Who knows? I may be a gothic chick. HAHAHAHA. Who likes red and pink. HAHAHAHAHA. Nuts.

~long List of desires~

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pissed

2010-09-11T10:57:00.001+08:00

Your ignorance caused me to be late. My whole friggin day is packed back to back. I already woke up at 7 to finish up some stuff and the stupid computer and printer already gave me enough problems. You idiot! Such a big ass. Is copy and pasting such a hard job for you? You can't even make a few clicks to finish up a project. Yes my part was submitted late but you could have at least replied to the damn email! At least tell me you didn't want to do it or it wasn't your role. I only sent it to you with much doubts cause someone else told me to send it to you. I should have known I can't trust you. Can't even reply to a simple email. Big deal you running your own friggin business, YOU get to pick your own friggin time while I don't! My schedule is fixed and I can't change it!

~ass!~

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it's an obsession

2010-09-11T01:05:00.001+08:00

Love my new top! Now I'm obsessed! Can't stop thinking of the gazillion possibilities! So happy I found a new pattern before bed. My projects are suffering. And the group lesson for my kids, it's going to be pretty bad I guess.

Imagine me end up making it big as a designer. Totally LOLS!

Love my sweetie with his new look... Love it!

~never ending changes~

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it's a first!

2010-09-10T12:04:00.001+08:00

Excited! 1st time wearing my 1st ever self altered or rather, circumcised top! Lols! Ok maybe not circumsized like Adam Saak does, he's a professional. I'm just bored. Lols! Yay! Happy!

~worthwhile~

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aching all over. shiok!

2010-09-09T19:04:00.001+08:00

So much to do! And I'm more efficient after midnight. I wonder why. With just 3 more things to go.. 2 by Sat, and last one by Mon, I think I'm in quite some deep shit. Hahaha!

On the other hand, I've watched a whole bunch of movies. Interesting ones, really lousy ones, funny ones, tried to watch horror but really failed to scare me much. If I can open my eyes throughout the horror movie, it's pretty much a fail so much so it should stop calling itself 'horror' n start calling itself something else.

Am on my way now to meet my sweetie, pick out a hair colour for him. Maybe something along the lines of hot pink or baby blue after intensive bleaching. Lols! Going to help him with the dying of hair!

Feel like I've been over-eating these few days. Terrible.

Sleepy already.

~need Time and to be unsleepy~

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5am woes

2010-09-09T05:26:00.001+08:00

Why am I awake at this ungodly hour? Hello..! Go back to sleep! Madness. I can't sleep. At 5am. -_-" Great...

~sensitivities~

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little red heart

2010-09-07T18:02:00.001+08:00

Bored in class. Brought a red pen and an eraser instead of a pencil. Just because they looked the same and I didn't bother to check. =/

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excited! so so excited!

2010-09-07T17:20:00.001+08:00

Found a new exciting project! Can't wait to get home to try it! =D I'm so excited! I want to go home now! Actually didn't even want to leave home. Hahaha!

Let's hope I'm somewhat talented in circumcision. No that's not a typo and I'm not kidding! And NO it's not anyone's you know where. I'll post pictures IF I succeed! =D

~crosses fingers and toes~

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palpitations

2010-09-07T13:58:00.000+08:00

Just ate a McSpicy, some fries, a bowl of bee hoon and a cup of coke. And that was more food than I had for the whole of yesterday. The best part? I'm meeting Boonz for dinner at McDs as well. I think my heart can't take it. Feel like I'm having heart palpitations now. Sudden intake of large amount of food caused my heart to panic. Hahaha!

Watching Sweet November on YouTube! If only all movies were available on YouTube. It loads so much faster! I don't even mind it being in parts. Hahaha. In some ways it is better that way.

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

Nice song! I love Colbie Caillat's voice.

Really wish I could sing. And play jazz.

~realize my dreams~

i figured it out

2010-09-07T03:16:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel, all I ask for is a simple, comfortable life where everyone around me is free and happy. But why is that so difficult to achieve?

男人有钱会变坏。女人变坏才有钱。How true is this? Sigh! Some facts of life is just depressing. Hahaha. Though I hate being average or worse in so many things, but in future that's all I'm asking for. No one to suffer, no financial problems. Just a happy loving family.

I'll just hope and wish for a better future because apparently, women are not suppose to be the ones with all the long term planning and goals. They're suppose to be small and insignificant and taken care off by their men. Women are suppose to take care of the house and family.

What a load of bullshit. But despite what people kept assuming that society has changed, theoretically it's suppose to be equal or so they say. In reality, so many are still partially stuck in that old fashion thinking. Both men and women! Though it is sweet, when men thinks that women don't have to worry because he will take care of her.

However, men all dream of super hot and pretty ultra super mums who can work all day and do chores all night including cooking up an excellent 10 course dinner and still have the energy to be mad wild in the bedroom afters.

I wish I could be that ultra super (inhuman) mum. Because really, average is never good enough. I can only dream. Too bad I'm only human!

Hate society. If whoever up there was so great, why the hell didn't he made mankind have the common sense of treating everyone as equals? Sexist bastard or bitch or both. As if he or she came out of nowhere. His or her mum must be ashamed. Or probably she didn't teach him or her well. Or goodness me! Mummy issues my dear?

Oh Chunz, you're wrong. Who said I won't type long posts using my phone? Less distractions = more (possibly trash) thoughts. Hahaha!

~used~

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haven't been shopping with a girl for SO long. hahahaha!

2010-09-06T21:05:00.001+08:00

I think I'm attaining the state of goddess-ness. I haven't eaten anything the whole day and I'm still not hungry. All I had was Vitasoy, green tea and Koi. The only "solid" food so far are the pearls in Koi. Hahaha! So I'm only running on sugar. Haven't felt hungry at all. When a foodie is not hungry, something is very wrong. I don't know what is wrong but I as hell am feeling the effects. So lethargic and suddenly, weak. Oh well.

Had a nice shopping day today! So fun to be out with Kai Li. LOLS. So much to talk about. Don't even remember what we were talking about. Did manicure, but it was really bad. Looks like some kid painted my nails. Will remove it soon. Also didn't expect it to be as pink. Wanted something a little more subtle. Super lousy manicurist. Still asked me to get the package. Crazy. You did such a terrible job! What's the point of me getting a package? So you can destroy my nails more often..? What's more this is only my 3rd time in my life doing manicures. And I've only done express. This is the WORST job I've seen. Even I can do it a little better myself. I think. HAHAHA. But their threading is not bad. They should stick to something they're good at. They call themselves the "eyebrow specialists" anyway.

Bought a new mask from Skin Food! Shall go and do it later =) Also got the night cream for troubled skin. I think it's a good combination. Becoming more and more of a fan of Skin Food products!

Thinking of getting the membership. But it's $150 purchase within 3 months. LOLS again.

It's good to have friends around sometimes. Gets my mind off things! =)

~<3 cacao berry from koi!~

thought we said goodbye last night

2010-09-06T12:12:00.001+08:00

Dying from pretence. Bursting at the seams. Overly inflated. Can't breathe no more. I'm being sadistic. Lucky I'm not an elephant. Else I would have died. Or maybe not. Hahaha!

Just some usual jibberish. Late for school as usual.

Need to run off all these crap.

~oh Well~

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marina barrage

2010-09-05T22:31:00.001+08:00

At Marina Barrage with my babie. Long time since I've been here! They turned off all the water features =(. Suddenly I'm sitting in silence. Wish I could lie down instead. That'll be nice!

So much on my mind right now. Hahaha! Feel like some weird crazy emo kid sitting alone. Thank goodness for blogs!

Wanted to upload a picture of what I'm looking at. But can't seem to capture anything nice.

Another long day tomorrow! Another off day from work. Tue is an off day as well. Loads to get done. *sigh!*

Words will be words. You've got to prove your sincerity.

~manicure!~

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home on an off day. a weekend. nuts

2010-09-05T15:45:00.001+08:00

Long legged spider scared me while I was showering. Yucks!

Sleeping at 5am is detrimental to the health of my skin! My poor skin was getting better until I decided to rush through my project. And sadly, I'm not done with it. 1/4 more to go.

Wanted to go to the zoo today, but check out the weather. It's as moody as my default face. Hahaha! Then I thought, could go for a walk at Botanical Gardens! And I realise, I'll be facing the same problem. So I continued with my work.

Its a Sunday. I'm not working. And I'm home. Wow.. But ok at least I'm going to be out for dinner!

Oh! And I've never slept past 12pm. Today's a first. Hahaha! But feels like I slept half the day away =( Sigh..

Ok! Time to prepare to get out of the house!

~loves Essentials Hair Mask!~

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finished 1/4 of proj

2010-09-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

Me haz a super humongous pack of Nougats! Me love my nomnoms! =D

Yes I do realise I'm over blogging. Who cares? LOLS.

~exploding but still snacking~

i'm HOME on a SATURDAY

2010-09-04T19:43:00.001+08:00

My student gave me something really sweet! Wrote me a letter and the contents make me feel like maybe I'm a good teacher. Hahaha! My students love me! I love them too! =) Happy!

Dinner was great! So damn full now! Now for the dessert. Oh I bought $50+ worth of junk food! SO happy!!

Food! =D

Sleepy =(

Oh WOW! This new Korean coffee that comes in really cute bottles is actually very yummie! Binggrae's a cafe la - Caramel Macchiato. Is good.

~auto pilot~

human food has arrived!

2010-09-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

Came home to an empty house. With nothing to eat. Having cereal for brunch. =( I'm really hungry..

Whatever gave my papa the idea my mama was paying for my phone bills? I've been paying it myself for years. Looks like they really don't know anything about me. Even when my schedule has been fixed a certain way for so damn long, I always end up being questioned why I suddenly arranged it this way.

I know you people don't need me, don't want me, then stop setting standards on my life. Just let me screw it up. Why does it matter to you? Because by default its suppose to matter?

You know what? Forget it. I don't want to care so much either.

My legs are refusing to move properly after all that walk yesterday. I realized the 30mins walk to my student's place from the nearest bus stop is as good as walking 2/3 of the journey from my house to the nearest MRT station. It's a weekly exercise. How long would it take to help me slim down? LOLS.

Thinking of taking up kick boxing. Or aerobics! Wonder what my schedule will be like after exams.

~i do have plenty of time yes?~

nothing better to do

2010-09-04T12:27:00.001+08:00

This is becoming more like hourly log entries than a simple blog. Yes I've got nothing better to do how can you blame me?

Just done teaching my cute student. Going home for lunch and going to work again. Then go home to enjoy my project. =)

I wish I was special. So fking special.
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here.

...I Wanna have control.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice when I'm not around.
So fking special. I wish I was special.

Finally added in new songs on my iTouch. Miss all these older songs. So nice!

Why is there always insects on board 163? This time its a friggin bee. Gawd..

~whatever Makes u happy, whatever u want~

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with all smiles

2010-09-04T10:37:00.001+08:00

What a night of 'I thought I was doing ok but actually I was doing it all wrong'. But that's where the word 'changes' came from. Seriously! The irony! My project is on change management. To put into practice what I've learnt despite having done it all wrong, I can do this the hard way or the easy way.

To keep complaining but forced to move on, or voluntarily move on. It can be stress free and all smiles.

So I'm looking forward to redoing the whole project. The whole damn thing. Ain't it going to be an exciting weekend! So glad I get to end work earlier tonight. Someone must have been looking out for me.

Oh loves gentlemen. He saw me and let me pass. Not a typical Singaporean. =)

I love blogging on the go. Hahaha! Good news: I get to blog when I'm bored now! Bad news: much more crap for (non-existent) readers. Not such a bad news then.. Lols!

*inserts Spongebob Sqarepants pic*

~managing change~

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blogger-droid!

2010-09-04T09:23:00.001+08:00

Oh I found a blogger app! That means I can now blog on the go! How come I didn't think of this earlier. Hahaha!

Oh well! Time to get up and prepare for work. It's a long day ahead.

~the sun's gonna shine~

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sing it!

2010-09-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

Different kind of productivity!

Meeting Kai Li for Mac breakfast later! In another 7+ hours time. Glad I found someone to talk to!

It's odd the number of compliments I've been getting these days. Really weird. Also really weird people suddenly noticed my personal message. It's been there for a year at least!

Is it right that I feel kinda emotionally under the weather? I realise I've been working and studying ever since my 3rd year in poly. Or was it 2nd? Back then that job was much easier. Flexible even. Can't wait for this weekend. I'm yearning for a break.

Anticipating tomorrow's breakfast.
Students' good results! It better be good. =X
My pay(s).
KL trip. (If that even happens)
Graduation.
NZ trip. (To go there, enjoy, and COME BACK.)
Taiwan trip. (If that even happens too)
Doing myself proud. (Which leads to a whole new list of things I wish to accomplish before I die. LOLS.)

It's time for bed! I am going to wake up to a good morning! I'm demanding for a good morning and a good rest of the day, week, month, year, life. Aren't we all?

~ME = 3 words: sad, fat and ugly~

some small joy that will last a while

2010-08-31T23:56:00.000+08:00

Finally got my beautiful certificate in my hands! Happy!

Dear babie love, really have to thank you. Without you this certificate may not even exist. You have encouraged me so much and was there for me all the way. Even accompanied me to the exam venue and sat under the hot sun waiting for me to finish my turn. LOLS. You know I love you right? =)

Muamuacks!

Didn't know I was invited to join an event for selected people only. I only wanted to go because of potential business opportunities. But end up rejecting the invitation because of projects =(. I'm way behind all my work! Crap. So tempted to go take a look at that event though.. LOLS.

Teacher's day tomorrow! I thought I had the whole house to myself to finish up my projects. I was wrong. Then I thought WEDNESDAY, no school, whole day to finish up project! But I was wrong again. I forgot about calling night. OFFICE! Dead. How to submit my parts on time. Oh well.

Didn't have breakfast nor lunch today, but had a scrumptious 4-course dinner. No, actually.. it was just average. The main was pretty good, but everything else was nothing much. Exploding and already thinking of sleeping in my nice comfy bed! It's a long day tomorrow. Heck it's always a long day tomorrow..

Looking forward to these 2 weekends! Short teaching hours on Saturday, and off on Sunday! YES! Not that I dread teaching. I don't really! I just need a break.

~so much to learn, so little time~

goal 1 of 1,982,304,095 accomplished!

2010-08-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

She doesn't get it. I don't want to learn from her. But she's sly. She dangles the carrot in front of my face. ARGH. Hate it.

I think I hear the sounds of my neighbour growling and 'roaring' at a cat like a dog and caning or whipping or I don't know what to the cat. Fierce. But at 12.43am, that's not a very good timing he picked.

The lone ranger shall try to win the first battle tomorrow! Alone! Me! GAWD. I really have to learn to do things alone don't I. Too reliant on having someone beside me most of the time. Babie love! You spoil me! Muamuacks!

Got plenty of work undone, I really need to buck up.

I really need to hire someone to do calling for me. Doesn't anyone want some pocket money? SIGH.

~a piece of high quality paper that arrived from the UK might just increase my earnings~

thinking of yummilicious!

2010-08-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

Cheezels Biskitz are coated with the same thing my favourite Cheezels are coated with. But Biskitz just don't taste as nicee and cheesy. =( Disappointing. On the other hand, my princess might love some! Since it doesn't taste too salty. Oh well..

I love you babie! I never really eat sugared peanuts much. But now I love them! I love you babie! Hahaha!

Lunch was good! Chicken curry noodles and cucumber. Bread for leftover curry!

Yes I'm bored because I'm at home. It's rare for me to be at home the whole day! Gave me time to do laundry. Iron! Watch tons of shows. Be lagging behind all my projects.... LOLS. Lazy to do work that requires me to use my brains. Just waiting for time to pass so I can see my babie..

Waiting for you!

~Bored~

happy!

2010-08-20T02:15:00.000+08:00

This wk's achievement: finished first season of Fighting Spiders. LOLS!

Only 1 day left to finish studying for tomorrow's test.

Time to go to bed!

I love you babie.. =)

~words~

i found my shoesy!

2010-08-17T09:22:00.001+08:00

Finally! I had an excellent night's rest! So happy! Woke up at 8.44am. Then I thought, 'Hey! Maybe I should go for a run! The weather looks great!'. Then I raided my room for my running shoes. I thought I lost it. Gave up looking for it. I even thought I left it in Thailand ='(. Then I remembered, I always removed it from my shoe bag and put it in my shoe box to air it. SHOE BOX! Hidden in one little corner with my violins, tadah! =D

Now I've lost my mood to run. LOLS!!!

Let's have another good night's rest and wake up earlier tomorrow. =D LOLS.

My dear running shoes, I'm so happy to see you!

~start~

cold. very cold.

2010-08-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

A happy little garbage disposal.

Oh what perfect words.

Oh no didn't get anything done! Got sick of lakorns suddenly, nothing else to watch. Jumped back to CSI.

Ok sleepy time. After this last epi and feed my dear greedy 10 (human) year old puppy (lols!!) whose been following me around the whole day since the house is empty. Hahaha! That cute little ball of fluff! =)

~zzz~

oh! more $ nx mth!

2010-08-16T19:33:00.000+08:00

Back from work to an empty quiet home with no dinner on the table. Suddenly I feel like an old lady. Hahaha! How interesting. Parents must be so happy I've been at home these few days. But it's time to get busy. Where better to throw your mind into than work? Especially when experiencing such emo-lag as chunz put it. LOLS.

Terrible rain when I was about to leave house! Jeans was all wet -.-" Ridiculous. So uncomfortable. Shall go shower and cook dinner. LOLS! COOK DINNER!

Must try to start studying!

Hungryyyyyy...

~Sleepy again!?~

stop treating me like a 5yr old

2010-08-09T11:50:00.000+08:00

Mama asked me if I thought I was that independent, whether I had the ability to move out now. YES SURE WHY NOT. If you're willing to give me the same offer my papa gave my kor, buy me a house to move out, I'd do it in a jiffy. Sure there will be lots to think about, bills and stuffs, but I'm sure I can work it out. First time this year I came home at 1.30am. I've not been out till so late for so blardly long. She says I come home this late almost everyday. Ya sure, why not I come home this late more often to fulfill the meaning of your sentence? What's more I'm 22 for gawds sake. I use to go home at 2am in secondary school!

And according to her I don't like to be home because I'm trying to run away from chores. Oh my gawd ya the witch's broom and the wizard's mop and hanging demonic clothes are so scary! And the dishes will eat me up! NO I CAN'T DO CHORES. PLEASE LA. Can't you see the reason I don't like to come home is because of THIS? Every time either of you see me there is sure something you want to nag about. Always complaining I sleep too late. Oh right now I can't even do assignments? Sure if I can't manage to finish, I'll just write a simple note to the lecturer. 'Dear Sir/Madam, my parents do not allow me to stay up late for whatever reasons. Hence, I was not able to finish my assignment partially because I have to work some days. So please just read what ever there is and try not to fail me. Thanks.'

Seriously, buy me a house, I'll move out. Let me learn the hard way of struggling alone. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up crawling back and you can lecture me till my eardrums burst and my ears fall off. Its fine.

But I must say, really appreciate what papa has been doing. Though he has the ability to nag about everything under the sky. But I know deep down where it is all coming from. HAIZ! Thanks papa..

~they just don't know~

ringalingaling!

2010-08-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

Replacement days are not as terrible as they sound. LOLS.

Surprisingly food at Tao is pretty good! But terribly full. Love the plentiful dishes I had! Time with you is always so short =( And it will only become shorter! No fair!

Draw a graph of my weight and you will spot a bullish trend. If only the stock market is as predictable as my weight. I'll probably be a millionaire!

Suddenly addicted to Thai drama. LOLS! The plot is quite similar to Taiwan dramas, but the actors are not as lame. When they are lame, they are authentically lame. Not trying-too-hard type of lame. The difference? One is just more acceptable than the other. Though it looks quite budget, but somehow it is just nicer to watch.

~prettypretty ring!~

i really gotta get that shit outta my head

2010-08-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, someone grew interest in me. It is some, not really wanted attention. At this time of the night? Some girl just randomly smsing me asking me about my school, my work, my age..?! I'm not use to this type of friendliness. LOLS. I think I'm more comfortable communicating with people I know at weird timings, and people I don't really know, when the sun is up?? No, I don't think that's right either. I don't know. Maybe it is just the fact she reminds me of someone else.... YES I think that is the reason! The fact that she really behaves like this other person, princess-y and all. She must be really REALLY bored.. Or because she's building rapport with me just so I'd hire her good friend.

Sharks. I'm overwhelmed with school and teaching-related stuff! Sweetie please interview her for me.. If she tries anything funny with you, I'd fire her ass. Of course I can't fire her if I haven't hired her. Who said anything about firing her from the job? I'd literally lit her ass on fire.

Yes I'm friggin grumpy! I've got tons to do and I don't know where to start with. Gazillion things lined up waiting for me to finish within a ridiculously tight deadline. I am sooooo... fmled.

Really tired now, but no mood to sleep. I think that's nonsense too. If I go now I'd still have a decent 6hrs of sleep...

~some ppl just don't get it~

it's too hard to wait

2010-07-30T23:58:00.000+08:00

Most interesting anniversary I had.

I have to get that shit out of my mind
Somehow everything will be fine
We could sit back and relax and unwind
It's now that I need you
Just be cool in this time
It always feels like the front line
And without you I'm losing my mind
It's not like you're hearing this for the first time
As this song plays I keep hitting rewind
We both know I'm yours and you're mine
Just know as long as I'm alive, I'll come back to your side.

Much edited lyrics of song by Ben Kenney.

~i'm really tired~

fixing the switch

2010-07-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

I think you're absolutely hot. I see the pictures in which we kissed. And oh! That warm fuzzy feeling... Yes you're absolutely hot.

~short, sweet, lethal~

do not play with the switch

2010-07-22T00:50:00.001+08:00

Irritated by senseless arguments. You seem like you don't even know what you're talking about. So shut up. It's damn irritating when you try to pretend you know when it is too damn obvious you don't. So seriously. Keep whatever dignity you have left, shut up and go away.

Am in a PMS mood. So I'm here to complain! I especially hate the phrase "you duno meh??". If I knew, I wouldn't have asked. Do you think I like to look stupid in front you? I asked because I don't know, right? Do you ask people questions for fun even when you know the answer just so you can look stupid in front of them? Which person in the right mind has that much time to entertain other people's ego?

But I feel like I had a great day with my babie. So I'm not going to go on and complain anymore.

Oh well. I can be tolerant. You can piss me off a million times. But if I had enough of you, I don't think you'll be hearing from me soon.

~school started already? oh right, doesn't feel like it~

have a good friday?

2010-07-16T11:59:00.000+08:00

No more gathering =( Oh well!

And rain don't seem to be going anywhere.. I'm stuck at home and I don't like it! I want to go to babie's! =( Stupidstupid rain! I don't care I'm leaving in 8mins time. Don't want to be at home.

Good a free day means I get to do some of the things I've left undone. Plentiful! I wonder if we'd get to go somewhere nice tonight.

Alright. 3mins to my big exit into the heavy rain.

~reading again!~

sensitivities

2010-07-15T23:20:00.000+08:00

I always love that we have things to talk about. Always love that we still have good time spent together. Just wish that the time was longer!

Loved the afternoon nap! Wish I could just continued to sleep. Need headache to go away =(

Am sleepy already. Tomorrow is pon school day! =D Just want a little more time with my babie. I don't think that's wrong. Hahaha!

Small gathering tomorrow too!

Another long day.

Then comes the weekends. . . . .

Oh work!

~would you like to go sailing?~

now i think i know

2010-07-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

The whole day, songs have been speaking to me. 30 Seconds to Mars told me, the secret is out.. goodbye.. Linkin Park sang about lies.. But Zee Avi..

And my smiles turn to tears
and I'm facing my fears
can't you see me
trying my best to reach out for your hand
you won't let me in
and I've done what I can
you keep changing your plans
do you need me

Maybe we can try to be better this time
Maybe we can try to be better this time

so let me in

~better this time?~

< / 3

2010-07-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

These are meaningless tears to you. Despite the pain I feel, I deserve every bit of it. I did you wrong this time and theres always a price to pay. I should have seen what was coming, but its all pointless now. I wish for you to take my apologies, but I'm sure things would never be the same. The love I have for you seems weightless and unimportant now. It pains me but its the consequences I have to bear. And I will. If I was given a choice, I would undo the wrongs, but all I have now are apologies, tears on my pillow and my aching heart.

~it is indeed too late to apologise~

because of irrationality

2010-07-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

I've come to realise how sometimes I don't think like a girl. I don't know if it is a good or a bad thing. But because I am after all, a female, I still do have terrible irrational girlish feelings.

I can't help but have this 'sour' feeling in me just because the whole day I was only looking forward to 1 thing, and just so happens that it only lasted 1/12 of the day.

I wish I can have ALMOST non-existent girlish emotions, just like men. Things are sometimes just easier if emotions were not there to complicate things.

And heres proof that some old songs are just fantastic..

Nat King Cole - Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Hate not feeling a 100%. Hate falling sick. Hate not feeling balanced. Hate not BEING balanced. Some of these girlish feelings have to go.

~smile~

balance

2010-07-04T19:46:00.000+08:00

A little more free, a whole lot more ridiculous feelings and useless brain-stuff-thoughts-crap..stuff.

I need to find back the balance. To be just enough!

~balance~

something here inside cannot be denied

2010-07-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

So many students come and go. But it only takes 1 to make me love my job. She might be a young girl who will grow up to forget what she has said to me and anyone else. But I really treasure the things she said to me and her mum and the receptionist at the school. For once I must have done something right for her to tell so many people she likes me! So sweet!

But I do have someone else on my mind right now, besides this sweet little girl. My sweetie, my babie, I miss you! So envious of the couples who get to travel together. Its not even about the money YET, its about the 'not being able to do that because my parents still think I'm 3yrs old.'

Though I'm afraid of what will happen next, but I can't deny I'm rather excited to see what comes out of the new phase in you're life. At the same time, I'm really worried about going overseas to further my studies. Right now I can only think of one thing that will stop me from going Boston. Unfortunately, I'm not THAT much of a romantic, I can't say its you. Its me, doing well in my business that will make me stay. So for the next 1yr+, whatever happens will determine where I'm going to be in 2012. Or who knows? Change is inevitable! Something else might happen. Haiz! How I wish I can do whatever I want, whenever I want with whoever I want. I want to go overseas to relax, recharge and do nothing but have fun, eat and sleep for as long as I want to with my babie. Haiz! Now which god do I pray to for the highest chance of having my dream come true?

~smoke gets in your eyes~

a little something i've learned

2010-06-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

In this business, I've found out how cruel the world can be. Even people whom you thought were your friends, turn away when all you ask for is their support. In this business, I hear too many sob stories of how people's lives were affected because someone close to them did not receive or welcome help in certain financial areas. If it takes death to realise the importance, it is probably too painful and too late.

You don't need everyone in the world to be your friends. Just keep those that are worth being called a 'friend'. The others? They're probably not friends to begin with.

On a brighter note, I did have a great day today! Had a nice lunch with my babie. <3 我好想你!!

Oh and I'm going to get myself a netbook for sure tomorrow! Fat chick can stay home soon! Yay!

~sweet nothings~

couldn't sleep cuz results sucked real bad

2010-06-05T11:21:00.000+08:00

Just realised how BADLY I screwed up the last exam. O.M.G. My GPA has plunged to its death. Feel like killing myself when I think about it. The only way to salvage the situation is to get at least 3 HDs out of 4 mods the next semester. How is that even going to be possible? There is a gawd damned Econs module! What the hell! I didn't sign up for Econs and Finance.... I signed up for Management and Finance and minoring in Marketing. Screw econs.

Ok. I'm going to work my hardest for the last semester. If I can work 7 days a week I can study harder for school. But I'll also be trying my very best for this business. Must jiayou!

Miss my babie.. Everytime I feel very crappy, the only place I want to be very badly is where I feel the most comforting; in my babie's arms. I wonder why I cried when I felt damn crappy with a terrible migraine and high fever. And I only did cause my babie called me to ask how I was. LOLS. Emo kid. <3 my babie!

12 hours of sleep and doctor's miracle pills made me feel so much better. Except that my tonsils still feel damn swelled up. =( Just got a little uncomfortable later into the night. At least I managed to finish up my teaching and appointments.. Doc actually told me I should not work too hard cause I still have a long way to go. Migraine from work stress? Can't be.

Miss watching all my shows! Suddenly not able to d/l them anymore. =( Stupid webbie. Now I have no choice but to watch it directly off the web. That really sucks. How much time do I have to sit here just to watch shows? I use to have a system. I d/l dump it into my iTouch and watch it when and where I can. Crappy webbie.

Things will get better. I'm sure things will be better very soon! Jiayou! I love you sweetie! <3<3<3

~加油加油加油!~

My jobs

2010-05-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was an interesting day! Taught at the usual time at the usual place with the usual students. Found time to squeeze in my other work stuff during lunch hour. Still manage to eat proper food and read story book. I love 1hr 30mins lunch breaks! =) After lunch manager took a picture of me saying that my dressing was appropriate. My picture would be pasted at the pantry to encourage other teachers to dress like me. I just LOOKED like I was dressed appropriately. Actually I was wearing black jeans.. which is not allowed. LOLS. Anyway I came to the conclusion, people there hardly know who I am. Mr Violin Teacher asked me if I'm a new teacher there. He also asked if I taught guitar. HAHAHA. I've been there for almost 2 years!

Then taught some more. Alex didn't turn up at 4.30pm. Canvasing buddy didn't turn up at 5.30pm. Men are always late. *tsktsktsk* When Alex finally turned up, I attempted to teach him aural, and pitching. Intervals and a little singing might help?? =\

Went to talk to branch manager about insurance. Shes actually interested! Yay! Then had another hour to waste before canvasing buddy finally turned up. Within that hour my pitching was being tested by Mr Violin Teacher. And he asked me to accompany him on his violin. Very interested really! He told me that I should pick up violin. HAHAHA! I'd be more than happy to seriously!

Canvasing was productive. Hopefully the 'suspect' will turn into a 'prospect' and eventually a client.

Today finally closed a case. 1. Still fumbling in the warm market. Slowly jumping into cold waters. Jiayou ba!

You know what? Yes, I am beginning to love this job.

~yes i'm ego. i'll show u~

emo-ness is a small issue

2010-05-24T15:07:00.001+08:00

There comes a time when theres just so much to do, small, minor details and issues don't matter anymore. As long as such issues don't end up killing me or giving me an ultimate shitty life, I'm fine with forgoing those small little crap. It's the big things in life that matters.

Focus on the bigger things in life! Many small things going wrong may not even measure up to what one big thing going wrong can do.

Short blog from office. Today's agenda? Rush back to somewhere 10minutes away from my home to teach for 1.5hrs. And rush back to office to continue working.

Big things!

~away with the best, throw away the rest~

yep. still pissed.

2010-05-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

I know it was my own decisions that got me into the position I am in.

HOWEVER, that would mean I can make my own decisions to have a nice, relaxing day out.

Why did you try to deny me of that?

Am I not working hard enough?

Need I remind you, I started work immediately after my exams ended?

Need I remind you, its my school holidays?

Need I remind you, I had not a single day's rest ever since I started mugging for exams?

Need I remind you, I've not had a nice long PROPER school holiday since I got into uni?

Great.

Congrats. You pissed me off on my one and only rest day.

And! This is my last school holiday. I'll be graduating soon. I think, I don't want to look for a job too. I'll just slack at home. I want to claim back all the school holidays I never got to enjoy.

PLUS the weekends I spend working.

I'll just cross my fingers and toes that would be possible.

~sanity bites the dust~

can't the world just give me a break?

2010-05-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

I'm really not feeling very happy.

I managed to beg for 1 blardy off day. I'm already working 7 days a week. Not unreasonable to ask for 1 blardy off day in the whole entire month. Begging off day from my boss, that was fine. Can understand. Now my papa's not happy that I actually take leave just to go to the beach. RIGHT. Tell me what other days I have to go ANYWHERE or rest for 1 whole day? 1 blardy day. Just 1 blardy day. I think for this I get to choose WHO I want to go out with and WHAT I want to do. 1 BLARDY DAY. F. Haven't even started and I'm already frigging pissed off. Blardy hell.

I hate to be the one making all the decisions. Hate it when all everyone else knows how to do is to ask me for this ask me for that ask me to do this ask me to do that. Then ask me howhowhow, whywhywhy, whatwhatwhat.

I'm really so pissed I feel like hiding in the toilet to cry. TAKE 1 OFF DAY SO MUCH PROBLEMS. I MUST WELL WORK MYSELF TO DEATH. NOT AS IF ANYONE CARES.

~if you don't care how I think or feel, why should I care about what YOU think?~

2010-05-15T00:41:00.000+08:00

Have not had time to sit down and type a proper post. Every single day is nothing but work. I really really miss my babie.. =( I know I told you I'll be free after exams but turns out I'm even more busy than ever. =( But you've been so sweet to me babie! I love you! <3! Looking forward to next Friday! My one and only proper off day from now till school reopens. I'll try to get more off days! Muamuacks!

Just need to address an issue. Not very big an issue, just really pissed me off. If you don't understand my business, don't judge it. Can't understand why some people who don't understand something can make such strong judgments. I'll just have to assume such people are stereotypes that simply follow the crowd and don't have a mind of their own. Even though there is someone there willing to explain to them what is going on, they simply brush them off thinking that they are smarter than other people. Let me say, from my point of view, making such judgments without knowledge just makes you look plain stupid. Now you're the clown in my eyes, and seriously, if anything were to happen to you, don't say I didn't try to help you. Cause I did. You simply didn't give me the opportunity to help you. In the first place, I simply wanted to share some information with you. If you can't appreciate me as a friend, I don't think I should bother either. If you don't understand my business, don't judge it, seriously. Don't try to act smart you clown!

I'm so tired right now. I just want my babie..

~i'm in screensaver mode as of now~

cliche

2010-05-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

What a wonderful beginning to the end of my exams.

This is a battle I have to fight by myself. Because the whole world knew it and heard it too many times. Why do I keep going back to the same stupid situation? Its like I'm stating the obvious. Everyone knows. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to give up right now and walk away. So even if we were to hurt for awhile, it'll be okay eventually.

Now I don't have the mood to go to work. I just want to sit at home and rot and maybe let out some bottled up emotions and whatever crap my mind can come up with. I just want things to go away..

~just when I thought the worst was over.. it just began~

periodic reviews

2010-04-29T00:46:00.002+08:00

Detachment in process..

~market adjustments~

i'm waiting for 'finally'

2010-04-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

Status today: Killed by 1st paper.

Prediction of upcoming status: Killed by 2nd paper.

Followed by: Killed by 3rd paper.

And then: Killed by last paper.

Finally: I'm freeeeeeee!

Just hoping to pass everything this time. Super terrible round of exams. Speechless.

~find a way to be free from woes~

^-^

2010-04-26T22:59:00.001+08:00

My babie is finally home. After so long! LOLS.

Poor babie got so burnt! But in a good way.. He's now absolutely hot! LOLS! Really! ♥♥♥♥♥ Babie's new tan! ♥♥♥♥♥ Hehehe!!! However, powerful sun also sucked the energy out of my babie =( Don't fall sick please! =(

Alright, it is now time to get back to my books. Have not studied much the past 3 days! How dead am I... *sigh!!*

I miss you sweetie.. SO glad you're back! I ♥ you! Muamuacks!

Now, time to conquer exams!

~waiting for the end of exams~

day FOUR: babielessness

2010-04-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

Day 4 has passed. I'm going to see my babie tomorrow! YAAYY!! =D =D =D

Today, just work. Had 1.5hrs break in between though. Made my day a little easier to bear. I think I just cannot stand sitting in a small room the whole day =(. Every time the next student comes in I feel like leaving the room. But when I'm teaching I feel fine. LOLS. Had a nice regular Vanilla Latte during lunch from coffee bean!

Was asked twice to work longer hours by 2 different people. And bugged by manager to consider. Request by manager to teach jazz. L.O.L.S. I don't even think I play well enough.. =( Then again people, I'm still studying! I know I'm cheap labour, but don't exploit my passion this way please!

Went to SMU to study. They turn off the study room's air condition at 5pm -.-" Air flow really wasn't good. No windows to open. And if you left the door open the stupid security system will beep. -.-"

Oh well.

Finally home. Still have lots more to study!

But at least I get to see my babie after so many days of deprivation. YAYY!!! =D =D =D

~i want no more babielessness days!~

continued babielessness

2010-04-25T00:11:00.002+08:00

Have been i-a-bing more often than studying the whole of today. Oh wait, I totally did not study AT ALL. Although yes, as usual work took up the biggest chunk. But someone said something nice to me today. LOLS. Someone missed my jazz! No of course that did not make my day any less tiring.. It just gave me more a little to think about. Just really miss my babie. All I want now is a nice warm hug and a nice big kiss.

Shall go shower and sleep. Work tomorrow! =(

~just 1+ more day to go!~

day 2 & 3 of babielessness

2010-04-24T12:03:00.003+08:00

Day 2

Yesterday was quite all right for me. Studied at NP's reading room with cuzzie and her friend and her friend's Piglet and teddy (also called Brownie) and my Domo. Super cold though wasn't very comfortable. Then someone set the air condition's temperature to 28 deg. LOLS! It was still cold but much more bearable, cause there were 2 air conditioners. Hahaha!

Then Mr Ang came and we went for dinner around 10++. I love naan and the various curries we had. Super love! =D ♥ work ='(

Day 3

Today, workworkwork day. How to work?! I don't want to go to work! =(=(=( Haiz! Like I said, I need a proper dosage of my babie after a long day at work. Now my babie is not around! HOW?! HAIZ...

Should I bring princess out for a run after work? 10.30pm? LOLS. Tempted...

~我等着你回来~

day 1 of babielessness

2010-04-23T00:23:00.003+08:00

Just because I've already sent you almost 40 smses today, and that I still have so much to say, I'll just dump words in this post.

Disclaimer: Not for the nauseous or diabetic or you for that matter.. Unless you're my babie. LOLS.

想你想到半死!!! 快点回来啊亲爱的!!! =(

The feeling of not being able to see you for the next 4days is excruciating! Feel like something is missing..

How the hell am I going to survive the 2 - 3weeks holiday to New Zealand without you?? Can I buy you an extra ticket to come with me? Haiz..

Don't like that I can't sms you freely, or call you when I want to talk to you. Don't like that you can't tuck me into bed! =( How am I going to have sweet dreams for the next few days?! =( Bad enough that I have to cram so much crap into my brain.. Now that you're not around, O.M.G. Feels like shit. =(

~be home soon babie! somebody's missing you like mad!~

ahp-daytt

2010-04-22T02:03:00.002+08:00

My Babie's leaving in less than 6hrs. =( Sweeeetie.. I'm going to miss you so much!

I keep wondering how I studied for the past exams.. It just feels too damn different this time. Can't say why though. Not studying hard enough maybe? Not stressed enough?? -.-" No idea.. Maybe don't know too many modules this time. LOLS! Skipped too many classes.

Watching show on YouTube. LOLS! Why am I not studying!

~米修米修!~

this is now

2010-04-17T02:02:00.001+08:00

*GULPS..GULP...GULP*

*stone*

*dreams....*

I need to sleep. Alcoholic powers reached negative.

~yawns~

lovee!

2010-04-17T00:39:00.002+08:00

What a wonderful birthday I must say! =D

Thanks to my dear friends.

ESPEICALLY my dear babie love!!

After nice lunch with dear friends, I went to study. 'Private party' with my textbooks and notes at Starbucks. Study till iTouch ran out of battery, Stonie was experiencing not very excellent battery life, and me? My 'battery' was depleting as well. Thought I was going to faint from hunger. Then babie came to my rescue and brought me to dinner! My dear babie surprised me with a cake. Requested by babie, made by chef. Lols! Big brownie! Yummiee! With nice pile of berries on top of it. The strawberries were the best!! =D

Then had second cake when I reach home. For the past few years I think we've been eating the same cake for a few birthdays. Unless the cake is bought by me. HAHAHA! Not complaining! Just stating a fact, cause it is after all, a nice chocolate cake!

So after dinner and first brownie, my 'battery' was fully charged. Too much excess energy now. EHEM. Too much! Excess energy has to go somewhere, need.. outlet... After 2nd cake plus 2nd cup of alcohol... I'm high on sugar and alcohol... Have not been drinking for SOO LONG.. It affects me quite a bit actually. Excess energy + highness.. is not really a good combination at 12.48am...

~i'm 22. DAMN i'm getting old~