No more old mr.b

dear mr.b, i've been tellin myself not to cry over u again. but i cant help it. there times i can stop myself from thinking back..but there are more times when i juz cant..those memories of myself smiling cuz u sent a sweet msg to me..sweet things u do for me..times when u were willing to go the xtra mile for me..it sounds like im all bout me..but no..i cry when i think of u smiling happily..laughing..cuz i've not seen u smiling happily to me for a long long time..when ur out wif ur frens n stuff..through the phone i can hear u luffing..so it muz b really boring wif me..i dun even remember the last time u luff like that wif me..theres like nothing to sae btwn us animore..when we talk on the phone at night..its always slience..till one of us feels sleepy..wad has become of us??? if only that fight didnt occur..it juz turned everything upside down..everything seemed awkward after that..like we're strangers..there used to b many msgs bout u missing me n loving me..but now? most of ur replies r "haha..k..later den sms me" i cant help but feel im not important animore..like u dun care..the prob is..i cant stand being last in ur heart when i used to b first..falling so fast..falling so hard..yes im a bad loser..i cant believe after so much i've tried to put into this im falling..u used to care! really care..i use to feel that u really love me..but now..every now n then i hav doubts..i juz cant accept the change in u..so sudden..if thats ur definition of "grown up" i guess the ppl that thought u that..should die in hell..going out wif ur frens is fine wif me..but juz cuz u can manage to put me aside now to go out wif ur frens..they label u as "grown up"..plz..thats juz so wrong..stupid ppl sae stupid things..so u wan to listen to other ppl's comments bout us?? if only i knew this would happen during my xams..i would hav planned to go somewhere..overseas..some shit..getaway during my hols..cuz now im stuck at home..all alone..watching the damn tv..dvds..vcds..n ppl keep asking me what will i b doing the nx day..i hav NO idea!! im lost..i duno wad to do..its so difficult to get by one dae..so dun ask me the nx..i would love to thank ms.v, ms.s, ms.c,mr.r,mr.t n fellow cousins for accompanying me through this suicidal period..hahaha..im much better now..thanx for ur concerns..without u guys..i may hav been half dead by now..'niways..haiz~ ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT..muz accept..i muz sae this..u said u still love me..but now..they only feel like words to me..theres not much feeeling animore..u said i shld b happier cuz i got to go out wif my frens..look around me..im pathetic..i dun hav much frens..unlike u..ur frens seem to b free all the time..all ur bros..ur colleagues..my frens hav their own lives..they hav jobs..they hav things to do..ppl to go out wif..i dont..now im wasting my life away..sitting doing nothing almost the whole dae..mayb thats the reason y i started this in the first place..cuz i needed someone to talk to..i need to sae what im feeling..n also..to take up my time..my life is a mess..its so boring..shittified..without me in this world wun make ani difference..im juz depleting the earth's resources faster..its 10.50am! this mth is the only mth we didnt spend the 9th 2gether..but i noe..its not going to b the only one..cuz im not important animore..i bet u'll live even better without me..im juz a burden to u..no? i'd rather u tell me the truth..mayb u dun love me animore..mayb u found the love of ur life somewhere else..mayb now u really hate me cuz my emotions fluctuate by ur every action..juz tell me..im living in a world of zero expectations from u now..juz tell me n i'll let u go..dun keep me thinking u still love me when u dont..haiz~ i hate myself from tellin u wad i felt..i shld hav expected u to change this way..no..actually i didnt..i juz hope u'll give me time wif my frens..instead of hearing u so sian when i tell u im going out wif my frens or cousins..i didnt xpect u to bcome so cold..n ignorant at times..haiz~ what im sayin now wun change anithing would it..ok..i'll juz get some breakfast now..n sit here continue doing i duno what..to past my time..great! im going out wif ms.v 2dae..n getting my new hp later at nite..i'll pass my new no. to u..that is if i hav one..which i doubt so..hahaha..i wan a new no. for fun..okok..thats it..mayb i'll come back at nite to post something else..or mayb i'll b to obsessed wif my new phone..hahaha..i love u mr.b..hope u love me too..*muamuackx!*
~luv ya n miss ya mr.b~