my stinkin life

now my room, is a horribly infested place. infested by cockroaches n now 2 full drawers of termites. such a warm n comfy place to b in dont u think? thanx to those idiotic white shitheads, my mama, said me n my maid are both "si ren" cuz she said termites biting on the wood produces a very loud noise. i heard stuff, loads of weird stuffs at night, but juz didnt think much of it. while she on another hand, noe wad termites r like, cuz she's heard, seen, n called the exterminator yrs ago. she said, mths ago, she couldnt open the drawers animore. she didnt suspect anithing? ok..nvm. she asked my maid n my bro to try opening the drawers. but she didnt tell me ANYTHING about the cannot-be-opened-drawers. if she did, mayb would hav told her of the weird sounds. how am i suppose to noe wad those sounds are huh? u nv told me things in my room canot be opened. the worse thing is that whole shelf of shit does not belong to me at all. the drawers of books, OLD books r not mine either. i dun use them, dun touch them, dun read them. dun bother.

so now im dead to her cuz her things r destroyed? those termites actually went on building a nest on the 'leg' of my bunk bed. as u noe, bunk beds are v high up, very near the ceiling. so if one dae the termites managed to bite through my bed's 'leg' i shall juz fall n die cuz it doesnt matter to her dat my bed is in danger. she cares bout her damn books more den she cares for my safety? wadeva. aniwae im dead to her. she saes i care too much about my ownself, living in my own world, cuz i talk on the phone, do my stuff on the com late into the night. ok, so doing projects r wrong? socializing is wrong? wadeva. wadeva. WADEVA. mayb i should juz drop down n die rite, i didnt intend to live either. heartbreaks after heartbreaks.

i duno how im suppose to feel lor. if they dun wan me sae so la. i dun wan me either. haiz~ wadeva. my room is like a store room to them. all kinds of things they dun need r in my room. new pots n pans that they keep in my room cuz they didnt wan my maid to use them. they think dat my maid will spoil those pots n pans. clothes, old stuffs, ornaments that used to be on a display shelf were all taken down n packed into boxes n dumped into my room. my piano, piano books, n a lot of stuffs. i dun even have enuff shelves for my own books can. n there no more space left to put anymore bookshelves le. wadeva. im in equal status as the maid in my hse. totally useless in their eyes. juz a waste of money rite. ok. mayb i shouldnt eat, drink, go anywhere, wear torn old clothes. write wif my own blood. wadeva. hav pics of the damn termites nests n how bad they eaten up the place, but no mood to put it on 2dae.

my papa ask me to stay at my ah ma's hse for a week. till all the damn termites r dead. my aunt there doesnt like me much either cuz im stupid. my results r so lousy. its so obvious she likes my other cousins who hav done really well in their xams. my own family hates me so i shouldnt xpect much from the outside world.

i sound damn pathetic. wadeva. dun feel like giving a shit u noe. but i doubt i hav a choice. wadeva i do is wrong to them. they hav a sae in everything n i hav non.

~to my mama, im actually dead. yay~