Ytd..n 2dae

there was suppose to b a post ytd..but my com was no cooperative..well..i was in the worst of mood ytd..i meet up wif mr.b..we talked..i mean..he did most of the talking since he should already noe wad im thinking bout cuz his the first one wif the access to my blog..as i've said i really wanted to keep it confidential but i could not stand it animore..so yes..we sat down to talk bout it..i choke back my tears a lot of times..n at first i tot i really managed really well..i didnt drop a single tear even though they were flooding in my eyes..haha..i agree that things wouldnt b the same even if we got together again..at least not for now..but theres hope as long as theres tomorrow..mthen comes the part when he told me he picked up smoking..oh mr.b..im so hoping u said dat juz to push me away..but if u think it would make me give u up now..im sorrie to sae u've failed..isnt it obvious..its a threat..how can u love someone n juz hate the person straight away cuz his doing something u really hate really dislike really anti about? yes i really hurts..really really hurts..i cant help but burst into tears..literally..i cant keep it back animore..thats like the extreme or something..my breaking point..my papa n mama knew exactly wad i was doing although they're actually the last ppl on earth i wan to tell this thing to..but u noe..they live wif me..they can pratically see through me..haha..the desperation inside me was seeping through..so mayb it was too obvious..so they asked me..i couldnt lie..i duno y..im a girl..i need to speak to someone..i cant keep it inside..not forever..so well..i told them wad happened to me n mr.b..my mama wasnt surprised..she said no wonder mr.b doesnt come by animore..she said it mayb a good thing..i can settle down n study properly..gosh..i wonder wads the diff..mayb..juz mayb i didnt need to think of how to keep our relationship alive animore..but thinking back n looking around me..everything can remind me of mr.b..is there a remedy for stopping me from feeling like i havta cry every second? i went thomson plaza 2dae to hav lunch wif my mama n didi..they were late so i walked around popular..i look at all the books..n picked up some bks n looked through the contents..n flipped a few pages of other bks..n i realised..i see the words but im not looking at it..its like i noe i want to read..but the words didnt seem to make sense..haha..probably too many things going through my mind..all along theres music playing in the background..jay chou's hei se mao yi..then some i duno wad song..THEN..my gosh..wang li hom's kiss goodbye..its juz like i turned on the water system in my eyes..its difficult to hold back my tears sometimes..haiz~..i stayed through the song..cuz i was the last song he sang out..through the phone..n the last song i tab for him..n played on the piano for him..its not complete cuz i was really sian at that time..n i listened to the lyrics n realised it felt like i had a warning b4 this happened..its like the song told me something..i stopped tearing somewhere in the middle..my eyes were already swollen..im so tired..then during lunch..our song played in the restaurant..our song! paint my love..i still remembered..that was the first time i sang to a guy..n it was b4 we went steady..the night b4 we went steady..haiz~ ok..then ytd nite..my papa..he comforted me n said i havta b strong..he said his daughter is strong..im really touched..he juz sorta let me b..he watched the tv wif me..talked to me..told me to take it easy..he said i dont look bad..haha..meaning theres someone else out there who wants me?!?! nah..plz..haha..at least i felt someone cared at the point of time..haha..am i feeling better now? i guess..after i reached home ytd..i sat at my table n cried so hard..wasted so many tissue paper..haha..i gathered so many things i wanted to return to mr.b..esp the rings..one was broken..still wearable..but its broken..like our relationship..like my heart..i couldnt look at the rings ani longer..so i kept it in a box..wif the other things i wan to give back to mr.b..im really wondering bout the rings..i duno wad to do bout them..keep..or return..aniwaes..mr.b's bdae is coming..b4 we split up..i tot so hard bout wad to do for his bdae..but now..i dun think he wans to spend it wif me aniwaes..i even told miss.v..i wanted to bring him to tony rama's at suntec..for lunch..cuz i noe he would hav plans for later on..dun worrie..the present i searched high n low for..i'll still give it to him..along wif stuff i want to return to him..i dun think the present would mean a lot to him..but it certainly meant a lot to me..i wanted it to represent the no. of years we were 2gether..i'll see wad to do nx yr..to continue giving him that? or not..i dun understand y 2 person who loves each other is not 2gether even though they can b 2gether..haiz~..now..to ppl out there who insists im not fat..heres a fact..i weigh 52kg..n im only 160cm tall..not fat?! dun lie..i noe im fat..its ok..dun need to make me feel better..cuz these daes i keep seeking comfort in comfort foods..loads of chocolate coated digestives cookies..icecream..my chocolate coated brandied cherries..deliciousss..n icecreams..i finished half a tub of ben n jerry's the last time i was upset..haha..n at our second last chalet 2gether..i finished almost the whole tub of it..haha..that was..i duno..juz enjoying wad i was doing..wif him by my side..how bout 2dae? theres still half a small tub of ben n jerry's icecream in the fridge..i've been trying to keep away from the icecream cuz of my cough..but i dun bother animore..mayb i'll start chomping away on comfort foods later..haha..i've got really funky messy nails now..haha..cuz me n miss.v played with nail polish ytd..n the dae b4..we were testing out the colours..haha..sadly my stupid com is only a windows 98..meaning i canot upload the pics i took wif my hp..if not my nails would b on show..haha..hmm..my fingers feel so naked..i've been wearing the rings 24hrs a dae everydae ever since he give it to me..its been almost a yr..n taking it down makes my fingers feel naked..haha..so weird..aniwae..i've typed too much..i'll go play some games now..to continue to waste my life away..
~am missing the times wif u~