i wish to forget to remember

i finally noe wad emotion outburst means. i've finally experienced it. all this while i thought i was going to be fine. then i was bored, so i explored my inbox. looking at the numerous email by mr.b, i felt a sense of, need, to read them, so my itchy hand went to open the mail. mail after mail i open n read. the contents i used to smile at made me cry.

i went to shower. n for 15mins i stood under the water crying. well, 15mins isnt the longest time but it is the longest time eva since the breakup. i noe im not suppose to think about mr.b. but the harder i try to forget things, the more i realise i canot let it go. so now, i just let my emotions go, cry, wipe away the tears. i'll just let my thoughts wonder to mr.b as much as it wants to, even though i noe im not suppose to. just hope that things will be alright again, as soon as possible, not another 2 years i hope.

i keep thinking, i took 2 years to forget a bloody bastard, how long will i take to forget someone i really loved, n who did love me back, showered me wif hugs n kisses. i really wonder...

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last

Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go

there are many things in life we canot stop. tragidies, fate, LOVE, etc. the only choice we are given is to accept and move on. but its easier said than done, especially when something's broken. even after moving on, scars remain and they will never allow u to ever forget no matter how hard u try.

by evaluating things i've been through, i realise i don't forget things easily. many of the little details, even names of my kindergarten friends, things i've done with them, my first kiss, my first hug, my first LOVE. i'll never forget.

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

~ever changing flutuating emotions, GO away~