find me

no

i'm glad you have a source to get away to. i wish i had one too.

mood

but since you are literally my one and only, you're the only source i can get anywhere with.

i feel like theres too much that i don't know where to start with and i end up not wanting to do anything at all. all these overcrowded thoughts in my head is overwhelming.

the truth is i'm so afraid that i'll lose you, i'm afraid if i say too much you'd leave.

sometimes i just want to feel the way i did before again.

i hate feeling insecure. i wish you could make me feel better. but i know you can't.

too

cause you don't have the same patience you had towards me anymore.

emo

you don't spend as much time with me now.

going

i can't blame you, i have to understand we all get tired.

mad

cause i'm tired.

kill

tired of worrying about so much.

me

myself, my work, my school, my family, my brothers, and you.

somehow i think if i could shut out my own feelings, the world will be a better place. does anyone know how to do that? to stop feeling? i want to stop feeling all these emotions inside. its driving me and someone else crazy. its ridiculous.

i wish you could stop asking me to control. because you don't understand how difficult it is.

and this blardy weather ain't helping either. my house is so warm, my room is warmer, and my bed is an oven. when i walk out of the house its so much more cooling outside! and the aircon? been broken for YEARS. i'm done complaining about things nobody is going to care about. hence i got myself a job so i could get things done quicker myself. and again, they wonder why i don't like to come home.

don't you think i would if i could? i tried! i tried to let it out i tried to distract myself i tried to talk it out. i tried.

then comes these even more ridiculous accusations! just because i prefer my soybean milk to be sweetened, meant that i ate too often outside. just because they can drink unsweetened soybean milk meant they are healthier than i am. seriously, i don't care that i'm going to die earlier. cause if i can't even have my own preferences, this world is so not worth living in. or rather, this house..

i don't even know what the friggin hell i'm so upset about that i feel a constant need to cry. f-ing fd-up.

~the hidden~