stare into my silence

What do you see when you look at me? I see too much I don't want to see, too much I don't want to remember. Too many times I asked 'what the hell is wrong with me', it's nothing short of a mystery. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what to do. Then I realise I'm looking into a mirror. Why have we grown to be the same? We retreat into ourselves till it seems there's nothing else in this world. This awful familiarity that maybe I should try to wake up from. I never felt a 100%. Part of me will always be somewhere else, out there. Emptiness. Dead. Silent. That is my split personality.

If I have to drag myself through this then maybe this is not for me. I see an opportunity, I feel it so often, but nothing in me is moving towards that direction. It's painful to talk about, hurts to think of. I am exhausted. Totally exhausted inside out but yet I trudge along to a pace as good as standing still. Every step of the way filled with doubt, I want to go, give up, disappear. But I'm still here, with my silence, thinking maybe, just a little longer, it will change.. just a little longer..

~snap out of it~

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