it's too hard to wait

Most interesting anniversary I had.

I have to get that shit out of my mind
Somehow everything will be fine
We could sit back and relax and unwind
It's now that I need you
Just be cool in this time
It always feels like the front line
And without you I'm losing my mind
It's not like you're hearing this for the first time
As this song plays I keep hitting rewind
We both know I'm yours and you're mine
Just know as long as I'm alive, I'll come back to your side.

Much edited lyrics of song by Ben Kenney.

~i'm really tired~

fixing the switch

I think you're absolutely hot. I see the pictures in which we kissed. And oh! That warm fuzzy feeling... Yes you're absolutely hot.

~short, sweet, lethal~

do not play with the switch

Irritated by senseless arguments. You seem like you don't even know what you're talking about. So shut up. It's damn irritating when you try to pretend you know when it is too damn obvious you don't. So seriously. Keep whatever dignity you have left, shut up and go away.

Am in a PMS mood. So I'm here to complain! I especially hate the phrase "you duno meh??". If I knew, I wouldn't have asked. Do you think I like to look stupid in front you? I asked because I don't know, right? Do you ask people questions for fun even when you know the answer just so you can look stupid in front of them? Which person in the right mind has that much time to entertain other people's ego?

But I feel like I had a great day with my babie. So I'm not going to go on and complain anymore.

Oh well. I can be tolerant. You can piss me off a million times. But if I had enough of you, I don't think you'll be hearing from me soon.

~school started already? oh right, doesn't feel like it~

have a good friday?

No more gathering =( Oh well!

And rain don't seem to be going anywhere.. I'm stuck at home and I don't like it! I want to go to babie's! =( Stupidstupid rain! I don't care I'm leaving in 8mins time. Don't want to be at home.

Good a free day means I get to do some of the things I've left undone. Plentiful! I wonder if we'd get to go somewhere nice tonight.

Alright. 3mins to my big exit into the heavy rain.

~reading again!~

sensitivities

I always love that we have things to talk about. Always love that we still have good time spent together. Just wish that the time was longer!

Loved the afternoon nap! Wish I could just continued to sleep. Need headache to go away =(

Am sleepy already. Tomorrow is pon school day! =D Just want a little more time with my babie. I don't think that's wrong. Hahaha!

Small gathering tomorrow too!

Another long day.

Then comes the weekends. . . . .

Oh work!

~would you like to go sailing?~

now i think i know

The whole day, songs have been speaking to me. 30 Seconds to Mars told me, the secret is out.. goodbye.. Linkin Park sang about lies.. But Zee Avi..

And my smiles turn to tears
and I'm facing my fears
can't you see me
trying my best to reach out for your hand
you won't let me in
and I've done what I can
you keep changing your plans
do you need me

Maybe we can try to be better this time
Maybe we can try to be better this time

so let me in

~better this time?~

< / 3

These are meaningless tears to you. Despite the pain I feel, I deserve every bit of it. I did you wrong this time and theres always a price to pay. I should have seen what was coming, but its all pointless now. I wish for you to take my apologies, but I'm sure things would never be the same. The love I have for you seems weightless and unimportant now. It pains me but its the consequences I have to bear. And I will. If I was given a choice, I would undo the wrongs, but all I have now are apologies, tears on my pillow and my aching heart.

~it is indeed too late to apologise~

because of irrationality

I've come to realise how sometimes I don't think like a girl. I don't know if it is a good or a bad thing. But because I am after all, a female, I still do have terrible irrational girlish feelings.

I can't help but have this 'sour' feeling in me just because the whole day I was only looking forward to 1 thing, and just so happens that it only lasted 1/12 of the day.

I wish I can have ALMOST non-existent girlish emotions, just like men. Things are sometimes just easier if emotions were not there to complicate things.

And heres proof that some old songs are just fantastic..

Nat King Cole - Smile


Smile though your heart is aching 
Smile even though it's breaking 
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by 
If you smile through your fear and sorrow 
Smile and maybe tomorrow 
You'll see the sun come shining through for you 

Light up your face with gladness 
Hide every trace of sadness 
Although a tear may be ever so near 
That's the time you must keep on trying 
Smile, what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you just smile 

That's the time you must keep on trying 
Smile, what's the use of crying? 
You'll find that life is still worthwhile 
If you just smile


Hate not feeling a 100%. Hate falling sick. Hate not feeling balanced. Hate not BEING balanced. Some of these girlish feelings have to go.

~smile~

balance

A little more free, a whole lot more ridiculous feelings and useless brain-stuff-thoughts-crap..stuff.

I need to find back the balance. To be just enough!

~balance~

something here inside cannot be denied

So many students come and go. But it only takes 1 to make me love my job. She might be a young girl who will grow up to forget what she has said to me and anyone else. But I really treasure the things she said to me and her mum and the receptionist at the school. For once I must have done something right for her to tell so many people she likes me! So sweet!

But I do have someone else on my mind right now, besides this sweet little girl. My sweetie, my babie, I miss you! So envious of the couples who get to travel together. Its not even about the money YET, its about the 'not being able to do that because my parents still think I'm 3yrs old.'

Though I'm afraid of what will happen next, but I can't deny I'm rather excited to see what comes out of the new phase in you're life. At the same time, I'm really worried about going overseas to further my studies. Right now I can only think of one thing that will stop me from going Boston. Unfortunately, I'm not THAT much of a romantic, I can't say its you. Its me, doing well in my business that will make me stay. So for the next 1yr+, whatever happens will determine where I'm going to be in 2012. Or who knows? Change is inevitable! Something else might happen. Haiz! How I wish I can do whatever I want, whenever I want with whoever I want. I want to go overseas to relax, recharge and do nothing but have fun, eat and sleep for as long as I want to with my babie. Haiz! Now which god do I pray to for the highest chance of having my dream come true?

~smoke gets in your eyes~