here is to the qn "WHAT i'm doing here"

when time passes, MAN CAN BE SO GOD DAMN FRIGGIN SENSITIVE. for those who dun get it, im being extremely sacarstic.

but as time passes. we get impatient, less caring, less of EVERYTHING. including those tiny little thoughts, actions n words.

YES i AM being emotional now. so u can juz close this window n wait for a new post which will probably come up a few more wks or even mths down the road.

NO this isnt bout something that happened yesterday or today. as a woman, i bear grudges. loads of it. i might remember something that happened years ago, something u said years ago, that u cannot even remember now. something that u might even think u'll nv sae. HOWEVER, in a certain corner of my brain, i store loads of such information that i'll keep wif me for life. im female, get used to it.

im trying my very best not to go into details, but just to speak generally. i shall skip this part before i get nasty.

what the hell am i doing here man?! when ppl my age r out there flaunting their talents EVERYWHERE. they hav so much opportunity to do so. ya so im suppose to seek my own opportunity. but ppl hav will power equivalent to their manpower. n i dont. i MIGHT hav manpower, but the will power is..VERY BEARISH. (ah HA! finally finance is useful in someways. gives me a better choice of words u see.) n its not even the problem wif the will power, its that theres no support, morally or financially. theres none.

HA. ok wad am i doing here? ppl of my age hav their own business, their own dreams being fulfilled, their doing great things, n im here being fat, emo, n i hav no idea wad the hell i shld do wif my life. studying finance is sort of a wrong road to take. cuz i can see, taking finance is just like helping my PAPA to fulfill HIS dream. his always so excited when talking bout finance to me. its the hols n he doesnt wan me to work, he wans me to read up on the market, blah blah blah blah blah. GOSH. i really duno wad im doing now. im so broke, its the end of the month, n i only hav like wad, 2bucks in my wallet. i wan to go out, but i cant, i not only hav nowhere to go, i dun exactly hav anione to go wif. im sitting here hoping to watch my new found fav drama Grey's Anatomy. WHAT am i doing here?? what am i here for?

damn. thats life. n life sux. ppl hav lives, their out chasing their dreams. n im sitting here blogging bout them. like they really need more advertising...

never gd enuff for u rite. never. ever. cuz to u i can never get anithing right. u dun see it u dun feel it cuz ur saying it, n im the one processing it. everyones saying it, but they duno i go into details wif those things. if ur a puny fry who juz said some shit to me, i'll pretty much ignore u, but i cant ignore those things they said cuz their not puny fries. they r ppl who pretty much disagrees in everything i do. n when they agree in something i wan to do, that thing cant seem to ever come true. so much for being happy over something even before it happened. now it'll nv happen.

im hoping this is a midlife crisis for me. cuz if my midlife is at 19, i only hav 19 more years to go. rite? HAHAHA wad a joke.

where in the world does an emotional person fit in?

~what a whole bunch of crap~

If There's Seasons...

HAIZ. *shakes head for 2nd pizza hut outlet*

in 1 wk, pizza hut has disappointed me 2 out of 2 times. thats a 100%. first they hav lousy service staff that told us that he cant take our orders cuz his a trainee, AND he didnt bother to get anione else to get our order. fine, no common sense, bad service. THEN they screwed up our bill, but thats fine cuz they compensated for our waiting time by giving us a little discount.

2dae, i went to another outlet. we ordered, n waited forever for SOMETHING/ANYTHING to come. cuz we ordered the whole set meal thingy. so theres suppose to b soup, drinks n the pizza. nothing came for wad, 20? 30 mins? firstly the restaurant is only about half full, there doesnt seem to b a lack of staff, cuz everyone else is getting their food. so, i started to complain n honey said if they dun serve anithing within the nx 2 n a half min, we'll leave. cuz i was already about to leave. so fine. after he said dat, the pizza came. the waitress said "oh my". cuz its so damn obvious we didnt get ANYTHING at all. n i repeated "ya, oh my". how nice. not compensated at all. but their pizza was nicer than the previous one i had. cuz the previous one had crust that was so hard to cut, we had to "SAW" through the bottom of the crust. but this time, it was nice n crispy on the outside n soft on the inside. just the way it was suppose to b.

as i've always said, if i were a food critic, many places will DIE. either from bad service, or bad food. (honey said the exact same thing. as he was saying it, i found it so ultra familiar...hahaha) but the thing is theres very little food that i find really bad, cuz i enjoy eating a lot. hahaha!

ok. decided to learn jazz piano, but i think, not from SOMA animore. i noe how gd the instructor is, but i really cant stand to pay $380 a mth!! wads more i hav to pay $781 the first time!!! i cant man. as much as i wan to learn, i cant afford to pay so much. so i'll juz go back to square 1. YAMAHA. the place where i first started learning to play. well i started from the electone, not the piano. u noe, the one that has 2 keyboards, one on top of the other, n wif peddals below, n the many interesting buttons at the side, (those that i nv learnt how to use, cuz its always my mama helping me wif it). but i really hope the teacher at yamaha can teach me at the time i can attend the class. hahaha. best is on wkends. haiz~

OH! forgot to blog about the new show! this show is seriously nice. i think it is on par wif Jack and the Bean Sprout. this new show (new to me, but it has been out for a couple of wks), is called Tian Leng Jiu Hui Lai (If There's Seasons...)

its very very touching, the storyline is nv boring from the start till the end. ur fully entertained wif the very wonderful n meaningful songs all the way throughout the show. n ALL the songs r by the famous songwriter Yang Wen Fu. he writes chinese music since long ago. for those who r fans of his, u can buy a collection of his songs, (6 in 1 CD) for $59, PLUS he is there signing the CD on the spot for u. UNFORTUNATELY, the tix r all sold out long ago. another different thing about this show is, theres a lot more actors n actresses, n many of them can REALLY sing. they hav very gd voices, especially this lady who is acting as Rose. petite, but yet can sing in a very powerful voice. and theres a live below the stage (this is the first time i've seen this man! cool. n they played JAZZ MUSIC TOO! loove..) this show made me cry a lot, despite being a STAFF, n not an audience. wads more the ppl arnd me arent shedding as much tears as me. hahaha! wad? i dun like to cry ok, im juz emotional. hahaha! its really very touching. hey, even my malay collegue said she cried ok. she said its touching. the show is in chinese, but there were english subs for all the songs n all their lines. *sighs* dats y i cant watch the show while i work. i dun wan to b crying when the lights come on, then the audience will think im mad. lol.

am going to start my drama addict again, havta lock up my drinking addiction. this time im going to try finishing the 2 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, but sadly i havta rent it which is going to cost a bomb. tvlinks loads too slow. cant keep up wif my patience. lol. wads more, it doesnt always load the whole epi, it sometimes juz stop at some point of the show. haiz. good site, but not good enuff. jiayou ba tvlinks.

oo. everyone is commenting on my "new" hairstyle. juz cuz my hair is now all curly, doesnt mean i permed it. i havta keep explaining to everyone cuz they asked me if i permed my hair. lol. its natural! they said its nice, n they told me not to rebond. i've already planned not go rebond, ever since long ago. cuz for stupid stubborn hair like mine, im not going to burn a hole in my pocket juz to make it look better, but reduce the quality of my hair greatly. so now im juz going to keep it all natural n curly n permed looking. lol. u cant fight it, join it. hahaha.

lovely lovely lovely, the day is so far so gd. =)

~loving more of the old times, sometimes~

a day of fun n vodka peach

its amazing what 1 cup of drink can make me do. i mean, dearest chunz tried to make me blog, she didnt really try, she juz asked. but aniwaes. juz drinking, makes me feel like blogging.

i think im going to b an addict soon.

i actually drank sake on thurs? while studying for xams? nuts? nahh. let me show u wad i've been doing while trying to study for the last paper. sake, watching movies, n DS-ing! if u love harvest moon, u'll love rune factory. hahaha!ok got loads of pics to upload actually. but im lazy. u noe, drinking makes me juz wanna sit here. hahaha!

went out wif sec sch besties, vivz n chunz. it was a wonderful day, juz like reliving the old daes. LOL. sec sch daes r juz so damn fun. everything was so simple. even love was so simple.

just hav this 1 thought. (Jiu hou tu zhen yan)
people always think, couples do not need to b intimate. especially when they've been 2gether for so long. but hav u eva thought its juz plain denial? its just them trying to lie to themselves? wad makes them so ultra sure that its not juz cuz they dun love their partners as much as before? i noe when things started out, its all so simple, all couples see is love, n even their negative points r cute n stuff. but even as we learn to accept the not so gd things about our partners, we shld love them as much right? so y shld we stop showing it physically? im refering to simple hugs n kisses mind u. like random pecks on the lips or cheeks. y? isnt getting sick or bored of hugging ur partner, or decreased feelings of need to hug ur partner signalling a possible decrease in feelings for ur partner? why in the first place can people at their 80's still hold hands n walk down the streets?
do you even notice ur caring less n less??? n u dun pay much attention animore. everything juz declines. n when that happens, its gonna hit rock bottom sooner or later. mayb taking a break will be good. a once in a while reflection on how much this relationship really means to u. mayb a month of not meeting or something.

ok juz take it as its the alcohol speaking. i love the feeling of being able to b drunk. LOL.

FRIGGIN ADDICT.

ok i believe chunz n vivz will be quite upset if thats the only line i blog bout going out wif them.

ok after the stupid xams, me n vivz went PS. we walked around, went SOMA, oh man the jazz piano lesson is like so ex. having 2nd thoughts of signing up for it. its like $380 a month!! freaking hell. i noe the teacher is very very qualified. but i cant give him $380 juz to teach me the basics n stuffs. dats not fair. haiz. so aniwaes. after dat we juz walked around, went cine n we took some neoprints. ppl who noes me well, noes i hate taking pics. only beautiful ppl take pics. ppl like me, spoil photos. dun belive? take a look then! take care of ur eyes.

hohoho. so after the pics, we went for dinner. right? we ate the new pizza cheese fondue thingy for dinner. so damn filling! but its only ok. i mean the cheese flavour dun really stand out, unlike chocolate fondue. but its worth a try. lol. vivz queued for donuts while pizza hut tried making space for us 3. when we tried to pay for the bill, they gave us the wrong bill like twice. so the manager gave us 10% discount for the pizza cuz we waited quite long for the bill. how nice. =)

reminder to dear vivz: if u eva hav the urge to queue for donut factory, u better ask me along.

so well, dear chunz is going back to canada soon. haiz. u ar. timing wrong de leh. xam den u come. tsktsktsk.

ok. those 2 love to take pics a lot. n i dun like to take pics. i pose to try to make the pic look better. but apparently i always fail. lol. wadeva.

ok! surprise surprise! papa's home. havta get chased into bed like now.

~Vodka Peach~

the drunkard strikes back

here i am sitting with a cup of Sake. rice wine for those who thinks its that sushi restaurant with the green frog as the logo. nice small 13% alcohol content can do nothing to me. lol.



thank god i wasnt drinking when i drove my dad's Volvo S80...



YES I DROVE HIS CAR!! without him OR my mama in it. my first passenger in a decent luxury car is non other than..my honey bunny. HAHAHA!! how cool. here, a snapshot of honey by yours truly. (Ccheong's fav line..ahem)
how shuai qi is that man!! got all kinds of look from u noe, other drivers. such a young guy driving such a luxurious car. hahaha! i love the background. beautiful aint it? n he kept boasting wad a gd driver he is n how safe it is sitting in the car he drives. juz cuz i drive around a little faster n speed past stationary cars, near misses, but at least my dad is not in it. so lucky me. hahaha!

xams xams xams xams. so sucky. but i feel like im on a holiday. cuz i only take bout 1? or half a day to study!! i think i left my motivation somewhere in the year 2005, forgot to bring it wif me. how obvious! considering wad a forgetful nut i am.

this damn com is lagging like nobody's business. i can type like 3 letters n only 2 appears. so i havta type slower than usual. ok. i think i found my fettish! or is this a weird behaviour...i cant stand slow moving things most of the time. i cant stand ppl walking in front of me with those window shopping speed. i cant stand driving slow. i wan to go faster. cant stand waiting for ppl who obviously isnt trying their best to speed up. but i cant stand impatient ppl either. HAHAHA! nonsense behaviour.

oh man. out of sake. =(

i dun hav much of an idea wad i really wan to b nx time. i can never make it as a trader. financialist?!?! analyst?! it all sounds foreign to me. i rather do music. but i dun hav the motivation to play the piano. all the songs i play r all so boring. no challenge. OH YES. i seriously prefer playing really fast music than slow ones, unless they r by my dearest Chopin. his waltz r juz, amazing, captivating, simply wow-a-istic. so sometimes, even if its music that is suppose to b slow, i always play it as fast as my hands can take it. like our famous Fur Elise by Beethoven (did i spell it right? cuz i seriously cant spell their names right). its suppose to b slow, a little mysterious mayb, but i juz play it real fast. ok y am i explaining this. LOL.

conclusion, i juz like it fast, i like challenges on the piano, but i cant stand not knowing how to play music. i cant stand it. i'll end up getting angry at the piece. hmm. r musicians all impatient ppl? espcially when they hav something on their minds, some tune or words they havta write it down somewhere. i guess dats y i keep so many stacks of junk paper around me. lol. just in case.

ok so im done with driving, AND PROGRAMMING, n stopped piano lessons for a while. i want to take up the following:

- Jazz Piano
- Singing

so i finished 2, n i want to replace it with another 2. n after a while i'll be starting my piano lessons as well. love to do lots of stuffs, but hate to b bz.

remind me, how many contridictions hav i made so far?

wad shld i study in UNI?!?!? i wan to take Sociology, which obviously, has nothing to do wif finance. damn. they wun let me take will they? i guess not...

Nice MUST WATCH movie:

The Pursuit of Happyness

no its not a spelling error. go look it up. its really worth watching, motivating, very touching. i cant describe it animore. juz go watch it. real nice. =) it has Will Smith in it.

~You're my inspiration to a broken-hearted melody~

learn manual cuz in life, theres no autopilot

after 3yrs+ together, the question is not whether i've told u i love u lately. the question is, have i told u i love u a million times? it may seem a lot but well words r juz words. they can never express the amount of emotion n feeling i really hav towards u. so wad if its a million times? i can juz sae it over n over n over again n will nv get sick of saying or hearing it.

like i've said in one of the older posts. i guess that was last yr. to me i dun see y we havta hold back on all our "i love u's" since we really do love each other. yeah its true that when u sae it once in a while it makes it more special. but words r juz words rite? its juz going to b a constant reminder but wad really counts are actions. following the theory "the more the merrier", taking 'W' as words and 'A' as actions,

with loads of "i love u's", the relationship etc. will be
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

with little "i love u's", the relationship etc. will be
WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

again, the more the merrier. wad am i trying to prove man. everyone has different views. guess im a little overworked, under-fed, n under-rested. HAHA. wadeva. imagine a meal lasting 12 hrs. wif a second meal of the day being pure junk...how under-fed can i be?! i'll die of depression soon being so under-fed. love food too much. haiz.

im tired, sian n im going to b a little pissed. HMPH.

grumpy laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

the whole point of this post is

I LOVE MY HONEY. n i miss my honey a lot.

sch sux. stupid programming getting on my nerves. all the damn programming projs. as gd as asking me to type Greek without learning it n expecting it to make sense. how is that ever going to b possible?!?! learning a new language is not easy, but how bout not learning it at all n u havta use it like NOW. gibberish is the only think i can think of n thats exactly wad is going into my projs.

freaks.

i juz need some slp.

~I DEMAND.........u~