once again..

don't u noe i love u more than anithing else in the world?

~for sentimental reasons~

archival matters

was just reading the archives on my blog. had so many of the "OH that was SOOOO long ago?!" moments. somethings just felt like it happened just a while back. oh man.. i'm getting old. lols!

and there were a lot of views n opinions that i wrote about long ago that i still agree today!

about holding hands! i don't want to be the one always having to hold your hand instead of you coming to me to hold mine. i can't stand to be beside you but not holding your hand. cause i want to feel protected by you and you holding my hand gives me a feeling of security..

i'm no different from 2yrs ago and i thank my babie for that. i agree i have too much on my hands and i really REALLY gotta learn to say no. the way i work is really like the jap culture. japs don't like to reject others but even after they agree, it doesn't mean they will do it. however, i'll do it. i'll struggle to death doing it. i'll give it my best from the limited time and effort i can put in but its not enough. it sure isnt. test 1 of rejection is this wkend! *SIGH*

i thank my babie cuz he does encourage me to do what i like but always remind me to moderate my 'intakes'. i need time for him and my studies! and so many thing else... gawd.

should cut down on travelling to super far places where the student don't show much interest AND doesn't listen to me when i teach. wasting my time and her mum's money. i'm so going to find a way to not teach her anymore. ya its true i don't know how to control her, but i don't have the time and energy to 'control' her everytime i'm there! i travel what almost 2hrs just to treat her like a dog..? i've tried being nice and that obviously doesn't work. i've tried bribery (with stickers, sweets, toys). i've tried to threaten her (complaining to her mum..) i've tried to talk sense into her (since she keeps saying shes a Buddhist and in Buddhism theres a chunk bout being respectful to your elders). shes just wasting her mum's money.

alrite. too much work-talk.

i miss the part of my life where i don't have to think about sch.

~today, i'm glad that i have you~

my love n passion

every new person would tell me something different. and i'll always b able to see n understand from their perspective. but as the stories are always different. i've seen more than just 2 angles. now i'm lost. there is never a clear path of what should b done. i wish i had my 'yellow brick road' to follow. pick a story that best suits my dreams? or face the fear and play by ear. there might never b a best answer there might never b the rightest choice but the possibility to make it better each time is there... but so much passion, effort, reflection, patience needed that i might not b able to give.. i'll try. i'll try and try till i can't try anymore then i might run away to find back what i've lost and maybe i could try again..

its a wonder how this doesn't speak just of music but of love too.

every time u speak of something new i'd stop and think how our future will b like. each time i picture the worst and tell myself i can't lose u... i don't want to... and this fear would engulf me and i wouldn't b able to think of anything else anymore. every little thing u do makes me think how great u r. the way u hold my hand, the way u whisper in my ear, the way u kiss me, the way u speak, the way u drive, the way u play any instrument, the way u hold me, everything!

when u catch me staring.. its just me being amazed at how wonderful u r.

so every little chance i've got.. in whatever ways i can.. i'd want to say..

Babie...

i had a great time with u today, wish we could do the same everyday. i dread going home everyday cause home brings me back to reality, brings me back to all the things i have to do. with u, things always seem fine, home can be so depressing sometimes...

~safeguard my passion~

underestimated, unappreciated

chao aunty. its terrible. she doesnt even noe wad is going on. i mean has she listened to ------- yet? CONFIDENT?! i also can talk confidently but give u shit. like how --- threw them in the fire n watch how they die. sorrie lor. mayb im not THAT QUALIFIED to do that. n im TOO YOUNG. always look like i duno wad im talking about. go elsewhere then... so angry. if its so easy i'd b a prof by now lor PLS. chao aunty! open ur ears n listen first la! ------ like crap. angry.......

censored material. cant disclose. juz needed to rant. haiz. my own -------- did well lor! juz when i tot mine was bad. ------- was worse! OMG. --------- threw me in the fire wif them. now muz take all the shit from the chao aunty(ies). hope shes the only one lor. wan to give me trouble. u so clever u take over lor!

NEHNEH. hate it when ppl look down on me juz cuz im YOUNG. ya mayb im not gd enuff. but my passion is not a lie. im not here to eat ur money. im not here to get u to pay me to chit chat wif u. im here cuz i wan to b here. im here cuz i wan to make a difference to someone's life. even if its juz 1 person. mayb it sounds lame n pathetic. but rite now, dats all im asking for. i wan someone, anyone, to hav the love n passion for the same thing i hav for.

~talk music with me, i'll give you a never ending story~

oh wow look! long post!

looked through the older posts, those that i mentioned trying to get millions of things done and proving things to myself. yeah i accomplished so much of wad i set out to do. but i'm still not satisfied enough. it probably isnt the thing i was really looking for. i just wanted to noe dat i can do it which yeah i did.

i'm just looking for that ONE path i'd want to take more seriously. so everyday i walk a little on each different paths. its just the time constraint issues i have. i can never walk enuff of the path to find out whats at the other end or what it has to offer along the way.

i'm just really thankful opportunities r flowing in. sometimes overflowing. and me? i just really want to grab on to every single one of them! even though i KNOW theres only one of me.. n tons of opportunities. but it all looks so good! i cant bear to miss a single one of them.

someone is suuurreee looking out for me. some guardian angel person.. thing.. wadever. =D slow down man!

but yeah. now i have tons of all these opportunities and responsibilities i dun even noe wad to do with myself.

sometimes i just wan to sit on the beach n forget everything.

i'm still thinking of the beach.

n my babie asked me "when r u free lor?!"

HAHAHA

let me see.. *flips planner* eerrr..... *long pause*

AH HA! MAY! after xams!

oh wait no.. havta prepare students for pre-exam assessment.

AH HA! JUNE! no wait.. tons of work stuff. BUT ITS THE SCH HOLIDAYS.. i dun havta go to sch. just work rite? i'm sure i can sqeeze out ONE day. and another in case the first one rains...

incoming responsibilities, i'll just b working five days a wk. and schooling five days a wk. piano, violin and jazz stuffed into two days a wk. theres some obvious overlapping here... theres more! long list eh?

yesyes. i shld get to doing my stuff n not complain so much. i just hav too much to do, don't noe where to start with, so i started WITH! ranting.. yay...

~ppl sae i'm funny. i'm not funny. im simply mentally hilarious!~

feb's not fab

ITS FEB? omg. its feb. TOO fast. so much to do b4 AND after cny.

this is terrible...

~tired n still trudging on~