alcoholism

AND SO ENDS..the PREVIEW of wad nx wk will b like. teaching piano is SO TIRING! gdness. especially its like one student after another. i literally picked up the SKILL of GOBBLING down a whole plate of food in 5mins. n for those who noes me really well, i dun usually finish my food in mayb at least 15mins time. i can usually take 30mins. 5mins is like! settling down time + picking up utensils time. felt like puking after dat. so xin ku my stomach.

the studio is SO COLD! damn. i moved from 1 pole to the other. hahahaha! dat place is like south pole then. i wan to buy winter clothings now.

BOOZING in progress...light-headed, little spinning world! HEHEHE. dun ask me y! i dun hav a reason y im drinking. i juz felt like it.

yesterday. all my troubles seem so far away...
yesterday. love seemed such an easy game to play...

high on booze. ALREADY YES! HAHAHAHA! i picked up the gobbling technique quite fast. it is such a big cup too. hahaha! FUN.

who the hell is this stupid person who keep calling me. some overseas number!

n damn! y r ppl all asking me if im local?!?!?!? DONT I LOOK LOCAL.

Cold, Drunk
Tired, Lost

i juz switched booze. going mad. wan to hear mad lunatic luff? can call me now. HAHAHA.

phone calls triggers off my mad luffter. but i think i luffed enuff. HAHAHA. i wan go slp le. prepare for tml's long money-spending, booze-drinking day. HAHAHA.

im fine im fine la! alcoholic strikes back. HARD.

~lonely time~

the blues overtook me

people come n go. something that started out so fast n steady suddenly juz ended. i guess its true the higher u climb the harder u fall. it was fun while it lasted. defintely tested my determination. if it was the old me i would hav given in to all my tiny little feelings almost immediately.

i am a changed person.

n i dare say a happier one too! hav not felt emo for the longest period of time but i did. its all settled so i hav gotten over it too. i think...hahaha

history repeats itself la! we'll nv speak again. HAHAHA. dat im quite sure of! juz dat this time it wasnt only my decision.

so tired. hmm. going shopping later! wif my dear cuzzies. hahaha! NO MONEY =(. den jamming at 6 wif the enchante girls. n meet my dear cuzzies again! hahahaha. for dinner. still hav no idea where to go though.

love the song don't stop me now! i wanna jam this song! hahaha!

drumming was fun! more of a lecture though. n some basic theory. got my own drumsticks! haiz. sadly i havta quit something now if not my bank really really drained. haiz. so sad. but i wanna take all the xams i can take! b certified to teach everything. hahahaha! so cool! mayb i shld juz take a break n take things 1 step at a time. but it feels more like wasting time. muz well chiong all 2gether! its juz the money prob. sux.

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head

haiz. need a job. damn. juz to support all my music lessons. all 4 of them. n mayb a bit of my own life. hahaha! n my princess! that girl has expensive taste. tsktsktsk.

~my bridge over troubled water!~

dear me

cant believe i actually dreamt i was smoking. HAHAHA. im really thinking too much. going mad. woke up thinking how stress i am about money! couldnt slp. cuz SOMEBODY woke me up at 8am. really wanted to slp. haiz. now i feel so crappy. i really really need money la. haiz.

HAHAHA. didnt blog bout my dream ytd. HAHAHA. i guess i juz miss hugs n kisses la!

HAIZ. history nv fails to repeat itself. but at least this time i tried to avoid the more diff part. the part where everything becomes even more complicated n where things dun last. its real saddening. mayb its juz for the best la. wadeva.

stupid emoness. wth?! i tot i lost touch wif being emo le. immediately sia.

i tot ytd nite's boozing will let me slp soundly. tsk. end up dreaming still. somemore bout such a stupid thing. hahahahaha!

i need a job. i really need a job.

im so sorry it wasnt the way u thought it would b.

~$$$!~

i'm loving it!

wad else? single life la!! HAHAHA! for those who still duno wad. TSK its time we catch up u noe! lols!

love all my frens. hahaha! n not forgetting my cuzzies too!! i love u too! hahaha!

met up wif shuyi n candy 2dae. had dinner 2gether. if not for their WOW PASSION for soccer...mayb will hav more time to catch up ar. hahaha! kidding kidding. left arnd 9+pm after gossiping bout the endless nonsense we hav. hahaha! those 2 really can work sia! i canot take office work. sucks the life out of me. but well i really REALLY need the money. but it was great catching up! n we booked every mth's 29th to catch up. hahaha!

sorrie mr b! i noe unofficially we're tuesday ppl. (nv fails to make me think of tuesdaes wif morrie. super nice!). but nx mth's 29th is tue. hahaha!

1st drumming lesson! my plan is to quit after the 1st 3mths course. juz learn the basics. den learn more from other ppl. hahaha! cuz i really take up too many things le. its not the passion dat i doubt nor the energy in me. its the money la. i dun hav so much money! =(. anione wan to sponsor me..?? hahaha!

went out wif mr b ytd! hahaha. wanted to watch movie after my jazz but didnt manage to get tix. y is everyone chionging to panda huh?!??! stop watching it so I CAN WATCH AGAIN LA. hahahaha! think of watching it again for so long liao. but its also a gd thing la. we had dinner. walked arnd chit chat n stuffs shopping. saw a nice jacket!!! but didnt buy..=(. n we went swensens to hav icecream n fries! hahahaha! nice nice nice. =D. so glad theres someone to pei me eat! fun dae la. hahaha!

i am boozing now! hahahahahha! but not enuff la. zhen shi de. so long nv drink le. hahaha!

HAIZ. tml's jamming cancelled. =(. juz when i got my very own keyboard. HAHAHA. YES I FINALLY GOT MY KEYBOARD!!! YEAH!!! super fun. hahaha! sadly canot slp late. sianz. dun even hav proper time to blog without being nagged at. being single also = parents call me more when im out. tsktsktsk. but i really hav more me-time! hahaha. n more proper social life. hahaha!

pls bless all those who r blind, in any way.

argh. aimlessness...slping time! theres juz so much to blog about! but once i stare at the blank space, my mind is blank too. hahaha!

heaven forbid i'll end up alone and don't know why!

~Queen - Don't Stop Me Now~

it'll b so different

"Sorry"

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away

I missed you and things weren't the same

Cause everything inside it never comes out right

And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you

And I know I can't take it back

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round

And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days

You get older and blame turns to shame

Every single day I think about how we came all this way

The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right

Oh yeah sorry!

this song is so nice! hahaha! 2nd time it caught my ear. lols! argh. suppose to go out for lunch date. so lazy to move! haiz. still hav theory to do. n gotta prepare to teach students. ARGH. so super bz!!! metime metime metime!

the alcoholic took off for a few wks. SHES BACK.

~kick the habit~

blind date

finally! wanted to blog all along but internet was so super laggy. it still is but better le. hahaha.

ok ytd went out wif mr. bq. hahaha! blind date. LOLS. super crap. ok la not a date. its juz outing lor. since we chat online like so much fun liddat. i mean we really do chat all dae long. n if we're not online, we're smsing. LOLS. can count the no. of times he called la. like twice. HAHAHA. but he called again 2dae, but i didnt pick. well we went to watch zohan 2gether ytd. FARNIE! hahaha. but i still wan to watch kungfu panda again!!! den we went nite safari. HAHAHA! YES WE DID! always wanted to go. hmm. although most of the time secretly wishing he was someone else...heh heh. this farnie guy. although his v xi xin n v farnie but hmm. he put plaster for me on my blister. LOLS. n nv let me hold anithing on my hand de. always end up he take. movie he noe will b cold so he brought jacket. BUT THEN AGAIN. im totally not ready to jump into another r/s. n no chemistry. hahahahaha! so as he was trying to hold my hand, i was trying not to let him hold. =X.

oo! ytd after the movie, we were walking arnd amk central cuz he dun go there often. den this ah pek fell la! haiyo. den we went over to help him lor. i gave him all my plasters. im glad im so prone to blisters, hahahahaha! for once. i carry arnd plasters all the time. gave him tissue paper. wa looked damn painful cuz the skin got scrapped off. OUCH. n the ah pek still paste the plaster over it. he sae nvm he go home n wash. gdness. OUCHHHH. the guy tending the shop nearby came to help the ah pek. still offered to give him medicine for the wounds. but he took too long..so the ah pek juz paste plaster n zhao liao. well. it wasnt the usual me for letting ppl leave rubbish all over the place, but it really was everywhere. blood stained tissue paper n all the plaster stuffs. SORRIE! i didnt pick up. =( feel so bad for walking away. hmm.

i wan to declare sundays family day! hahaha! or ME day or wadeva. LOLS. (as if theres not enuff me-days). ITS ENDLESS! but well, its v fun now. hahaha.

YES YES YES the big thing i was talking bout! went for an interview on friday. not just for ANY job. to b a PIANO TEACHER!! HAHAHAHA. guess wad. I GOT IT LA! LALALA. omg super happy!! but of course, theres always a down side. sacrifices must b made! my wkends r burnt! which nv fails to translate to "no life" to me. wads more i juz took up DRUMMING. OMG!!! my life is so super fun now. HAHAHA. havta stuff all my social life to mayb fridae. but cant go out late =(. gdness. here is how my life would look like:

Mon - Piano 7.30pm - 9pm
Tue - Jazz 6.30pm - 7.15pm
Wed - Drums 6pm - 7pm, Jamming 7.30pm - ??
Thur - Vox 6pm - 7pm
Fri - (Might hav jamming wif ENCHANTE!)
Sat - WORK 10am - 9.30pm (Starts in July)
Sun - WORK 10am - 6pm (Starts in Oct)

the contract is 18mths long. 1.5yrs!! GDNESS. when im free, everyone else is working. when im working, everyone else is PARTYING. but then again, sacrifices must b made!!! will b signing contract this coming tues. cant imagine how life would b like man. although im super happy i got this job. n super happy i hav ppl to jam wif now! hahaha! n im learning everything i wan to learn!!! im getting RED drumsticks somemore! GDNESS! I CANT WAIT!!!

big hole in my pocket though. inflow canot cover outflow. dead. hahahahaha.

really wonder y am i still doing finance. every single thing im hyper about, is music related. haiz. how sia...i always tot piano is a backup but now? oh no......

~Just hold me tight and tell me you miss me~

RE

guess we're not that different after all...

we could be

could hav been

might be

we are

we're just not that different anymore

~u dun havta understand~

aimlessness 2

its through small small tiny little things u noe ppl care for u. hahaha! n yeah i think im v lucky =)

ok continuing wif the aimlessness post, went movie wif mr.b on tuesday. sex n the city. hahaha! hmmm. the movie was alrite. it was quite a nice outing though. hahaha. at least got many more things straightened out. i guess.

yesterday, went out wif ah xiong kor kor went to check out the lasik thing. omg! his going to do it! scary! i went to the mtm thing. YES i did! hahaha! its damn ex la! haiz. but quite cool they really custom-blend the thing for u to see. hahaha! den had dinner wif renny too. we had indian vegetarian food. WA nice leh! v nice. hahaha. but still haven get ot eat my chapati! after dat chiong to jamming. late again. out of 3 times we met i late 3 times. HAHAHAHAHA. =X SO BAD. i shall b early nx time. wads more im the girl there la. they're all guys! except ytd the vox was a female but she was earlier than me still. change vox again! but well its nice to meet so many ppl along the way. hahaha. yeah! going to try to do my original! AHH scared! later they luff at my lyrics. HAHAHAHA.

my life is so aimless n my goldfish memory is so bad..when my bandmate asked me wad i did b4 jamming, took me so long to remember. HAHAHAHA!!! gdness. going mad.

so 2dae going singing. yeah! yes! dats my only plan for 2dae. hahahaha! mayb can get to eat chapati!!!!!!! LOLS.

friday!! finally going threading. hahaha! yeah! to prepare for something more important...quite a few ppl noe le. but still...i'll announce it big big if i get it. *cross fingers n toes*. i really hope i get it la!

ok! dats about all i can sae for now. shall update soon once im ready to announce anything else. hahahaha! its going to b quite an interesting wk.

OO. ya. mr.b! u were rite. he called. juz after u said he would, n after i said he would'nt. he did. 2dae. hahahaha! n i duno y. so random. HAHAHA

~objection overuled~

aimlessness

these few daes has been SO AIMLESS! nothing but online, fun, online somemore, more fun. hahahaha! seriously i've no idea wad im doing at home. lols! but its gd. i like slack life. for a while. hahaha.

lets see. went my ah ma hse to stay on fri, sat n sun. my dear cuzzies pei me go shopping. HAHAHA. so farnie. lols! finally bought the dress i wanted to buy. =D. its so fun staying over at my ah ma hse. can eat nonstop. n got totally nothing to do there. except online. n play piano. HAHAHA. learned guitar from ah xiong kor kor. simple simple de chords. hahaha.

den monday ah xiong kor kor fetched me home. hahaha! all my things super heavy la. lols. den went back office a little too late. hahahaha! everyone go lunch liao. but lucky laihar still there den juz pile more work on her. hahahaha! so ke lian! when i reach she already a lot of things to do sia. den i still pile somemore. hahaha. the recep lady sae she wan eat lunch wif me. hahaha! den i saw the postman guy again...den he sae i look very very very beautiful. HAHAHAHA. mad man.

OH NO. late le late le! gtg out soon! shall continue when i hav the time. HAHAHA.

~bzbzbz!~

family time

went for buffet for lunch at triple 3! WA. their food is damn nice la. hahaha! eat until going to burst. on the verge of puking liao. hahahaha! DEN went home for a while, packed n went swimming. LOLS. swam for about 1hr+ den chiongggg to piano lesson. so hiong man. cuz didnt really hav sufficient slp ytd (i cant juz slp 6hrs! too little!). den piano for 2hrs. wa my teacher really love me sia. hahahahaha! super ultra tired la! gdness. den dinner, didnt want to eat but got a little hungry. took a bite of bread den saw spaggetti. den i heated up the food n ate. cuz it was only a small bowl left. juz ate 2 mouthfuls SUPER FULL AGAIN! omg. den my poor bread n milk sitting bside me now. haiz.

YA lunch! ate 3 types of terrible tasting cheeses! GOSH. i do like cheese a lot (cuz if i love cheese..i wun hate so many types of cheeses..so i'll juz stick to like for now). juz dat there r some kinds..like BREE....YUCKS. n another one tasted like some..table cloth. so super gross. the taste is so strong but super disgusting! my kor gave me half of some of the dried food saying: "nah! save ur tastebuds!" HAHAHAHA.

i've been SO GUAI! eating breakfast everyday leh! hahahaha! the last time i did dat was...errr...sec sch hols? or something liddat? heh heh!

wa realise im quite bz leh. even after quitting my job. hahaha! YES I QUIT LA. n PLS dun ask me wad i plan to do nx. cuz the WHOLE WORLD keeps asking me dat im sooooooooooooo daaaaaaaaaamn friggin tired of answering that stupid qn. im tooo ambitious now hav too many things in mind to do. so since im young I CAN TAKE RISKS...not like most ppl out there already thinking of stability. hahahahahaha! u hav wad...another 40yrs to work? wads the hurry? u cant juz quit ur job when ur 30+ 40yrs old to hav fun rite...or to suddenly do wad u hav been wanting to do for SOOOOOO LOOOOONG. nows the time man!

wa v tired now. BUT SO FULL. HOW TO SLP?!?!?! =( i wan to orh orh...=(

sianz. papa nag n nag n nag. tml jogging. wa sian. he here ar. havoc. he take leave we all exercise for few daes straight. he work we can dun exercise for yrs. HAHAHAHA! "Welcome to FAT CAMP". sianz la! haiya. tsk. where got ppl liddat de. siao.

die die die! he nagging at my kor! my turn nx! die die die. shall go digest on the bed then..hahahahahahaha!

movie tml! YEAH! =D

~Why does the sun go on shining?~

the fray

i just love how easily i can relate to almost all the songs in The Fray's album. hahaha!

"All At Once"

There are certain people you just keep coming back to

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes

We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it, maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her

Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another

To another

~tada!~

GO AWAY

"How To Save A Life"

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

--------------------------------------------------------
i hate to come home early but i love to come home for dinner. but i hate to b so damn tired, wan to rest, but get nagged at. always asking the SAME DAMN QUESTIONS. im so damn bloody tired. i duno wad isit. the song? the stress? i duno i juz friggin feel like i need to cry so damn friggin bad now. i duno isit some bottled feelings dat i didnt noe existed? better still. just some mood swings. haiz.

ok thanks to that hmmm. farnie how that guy's name starts wif B too. since mr b is taken..i shall call him BQ. HAHAHA. thanks to bq, im feeling much better. talk so much rubbish. so farnie. i think talking to him is like some form of distraction. dun need to think of my own probs. muz think of clever lines to shoot him back. LOLS. HAHAHAHA. super farnieeeeee!! LOLS.

mr postman call my office again. i cant wait to quit. SOOOO ARGH. LAST damn thing i need is another BIG BLIND guy.

major sian-ness now. theres somethings i can talk about. but its not for discussion. discussion leads to depression. so there r times juz turn on the listening ear n not sae anithing. nvm. im juz so ARGH now. hahaha.

So this is where you are
And this is where I am
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred

~unsure and a hundred~

anger management

~there were words...loads of it. but it all came to a blank in the end~

soyabeanmilk.dounai.doujiang.daoni.daonai

oo. finally. one of the managers bought me a drink. lols! cuz i made 20 copies of duno wad, slot the dividers, label it all manually, n file it nicely for him. he said "thank u for ur hard work." LOLS. YEAH. soya milk somemore. hehehe! dou jiang sia. if only got some you tiao. yummie! finally get to drink soya milk le! everytime walk past mr bean got long queue. dun dare to go n queue. hahaha. now dun even need to queue sia! =D n finally, my hardwork paid off. LOLS. so easy to make me happy sia. one cup of soya bean milk. tsktsktsk. crazy

i still duno how to break the news to ms lala. i wan quit liao leh. hmm. email her meh...?

later havta help wif stupid briefing. sianz. everytime briefing crap i do myself. how come they do briefing thing i muz help them sia. sucky.

meeting vivz for lunch! woo i hope we go soup spoon sia. hahaha. 2dae is a great dae to drink nice warm soup. (also a gd dae to b drinking nice warm soya bean milk..hahahahahaha) can smell the rain n feel the dampness in the air la. its nice. somehow reminds me of when i was in china. but that was cuz there was snow. but the feeling is so nice! like cooling n comfy. n mayb cuz of the china feeling, feels relaxed. sudden holiday mood. LOLS. ya rite. i wish man.

i hope 2dae stays as quiet as it is now. but cuz of the briefing....i dun think dat is possible. juz hope theres no cases to deal wif 2dae. hahaha. yeah! not working tml =D

ok was waiting outside for like 45mins for ppl to come. horrible. ppl nowadays can b so super late. the briefing is suppose to b at 10am. they reach like 10.45??? wadeva lor. but gd la help me waste time. hahaha!

i think i sorta cleared quite a bit of work le. which means to me, im responsible ok! im quitting n i clear my work b4 i quit. HAHAHA. scully end up working another 2wks. DEN MY AFP HOW. fail again. stupid. so sianz. i wan to quit to hav time to myself to go shopping n stuffs. studying doesnt even cross my mind la. dead sia.

i hate office phones. everytime it rings its like NITEMARE to me. ARGH.

~riiiingg. riiinngg. SHUT UP!~

randomous

mayb i shouldnt bother. care so much like very dumb. hahaha! muz learn to shake the feeling of "wth? where? why? wad?" so now u noe! its like a needle constantly pricking at ur heart.

met wif alvin 2dae. its farnie how we juz got so much to talk about. hahaha. but really interesting. his really a nice guy man. had dinner, discussed bout the contract, n went daiso for a while. he taught me a few things. hahaha! so farnie.

rest of the wk is so packed! keep forgetting all the lunch appointments wif ppl. LOLS. sorrie ar! goldfish memory. haiz. bu shi gu yi de.

work is getting more n more sucky cuz they really really love to dump all sorts of crap at the last min. but lucky 2dae i hav jazz so i chiong off after i did as much as i could. hahaha. simple thing muz wait until so late den start to do. den muz rush like mad. got whole dae to do muz wait till last min. still complain somemore. tsktsktsk.

*rain rain go away* the lightening better dun shock my fat chick to death man....

everyone else sees something i dont. but i see something nobody elses sees. WAD ISIT? y cant i put it in words? i noe something is wrong but WAD?

hahaha i think im a v confused person by nature. i dun need mixed signals to make me animore confused than i already am now. HAHAHA.

i hate my stupid job! yucks yucks yucks yucks yucks. its so super boring.

ok the weird farnie guy i met ytd. is really weird. started off quite well had loads to talk about but starting to see our differences n got nothing to sae. HAHAHA! but gd la had entertainment while at work. lols!

wad can i sae? work life is THIS boring la. the most "FUN" thing is chatting. online, phone, sms wadeva.

alrite its time to shower n prepare for bed!

~loving care n kindness~

thinking too much

isit a coincidence some strange guy juz suddenly added me on msn? hahaha. he said he found my email on soft. but he didnt really wanted to join a band. cant really commit to a band thing now. so we juz chat bout random stuffs. weird n farnie. hahaha. n damn his from smu. !!! BUSINESS somemore. said he was super bored, cuz its his internship thingy now. hahaha.

its farnie how one thing that meant alot suddenly dun mean anithing at all. hahaha. i guess dats just life.

haiz sux. i love slack life. hahaha! love a life u can juz do anithing u wan. but i cant. cuz of piano lessons blah blah blah. everyone wans a job. n yet i wan to quit mine. i need to settle down to study!! n buy dat dress i've been thinking of day n nite. even though i hav a feeling i mite end up wif more than 1 dress. but still! i shop juz once in a while wad. hmmm.

wanted to go shopping 2dae but the thought of piano lesson makes me so sian. haiz. or mayb its juz the thought of going alone. hahaha

ok gotta go do some super last min practice.

notice how the posts r getting shorter n shorter again...hahaha

~possibilities~

happi-er

kungfu panda IS SOOOO FARNIE!!! hahahaha. i wan to watch again!! watched it at the grand cathay wif renny, mr ang, xiong n my kor. lols! almost luff from the start till the end. super cute sia. lols! master WU GWAY. LOLS.

had dou jiang you tiao wif them after dat. not bad leh. cuz the you tiao crispy de. yummie. i wan eat dou hua now. hahaha.

keep eating n slping la! oh no going to become like the panda soon. HUNGRY AGAIN!

its the season of dumplings again! yeah! i super love to eat nonya jang. lols! n i like the red bean one too! but my mama dun make them. hmm. mama taught me how to bao zong zi 2dae. hahaha. so helped her wif the nonya jang. lols. but after eating the vegetarian one my renny's mama made waaaa its nice man. i think i ate too much la den v sleepy. den i went to slp. HAHAHAHAHA.

cant wait to eat the homemade ba jang. LOLS. n the ki jang. LOLS. so super tan chi now. lols.

hmm. the blog posts these few daes v short wor. hmm. nothing much to talk about actually.

i wan to watch kungfu panda again!!!

if ur reading this n hav craving for ANY kind of food, bring me along too! hehehe!

~yummie yummie!~

bestest best fren

its official. im single. but im super glad i hav such a nice (ex)bf. hahaha. its the best breakup anione can ever ask for (not dat breaking up is a gd thing..).

to keep things short n sweet..
- we meet for dinner at manhattan fish market, had dessert too! not bad. hahaha
- spent the last dae 2gether as bf n gf
- YES we hugged, kissed, n hold hands. n even whipered "i love u" because we still do!..juz dat there r things dat is not rite animore i guess?
- and we even hugged while talking things out bout y things ended this way
- had our last hug n kiss b4 we parted at my doorstep

so we r now the bestest best fren. our 3yrs++++ r/s (2 more daes to 4yrs..) ended in just like that. but i think its beautiful =)

~love.loved.loving~

breaking the silence

all my dears dun worry bout me. i've made up my mind le! blogging is like my nx fav thing to do now la. lols. duno wad isit i like to do now though. hahaha.

having MOS for lunch. halfway through it now. ate teriyaki chicken burger meal n now eating MOS chicken. like pig. hahaha. yummie. i love ice milk tea! although its not gd to drink tea wif milk. cuz milk will decrease benefits of tea on ur body. hahahaha! my eng is so bad. i duno wad im talking about. lols.

talked to him juz now bout meeting tml. im v tired of dragging it on n thinking like mad over it. i shld hav spoken to him earlier actually. cuz it was after the convo dat a super bright light bearing the answer shined on front of my eyes. HAHAHA. its going to b HILARIOUS if the answer is wrong. lols! his so much happier now. which shld b the way. makes me feel so much lighter too.

ok stupid internet. canot blog n use ebuddy at the same time. ebuddy sure crash. dumbo. lols. shall go back online! =)

~sail away~

wher'd u go

i've made my decision. but im still worried. cuz this is not 1 thing i can do alone..everytime i say i've made my decision it ends up different. haiz.

the past few daes i've realised my weakness is being weak n dependent. all that's gotta change eventually. cuz there will b a day nobody's arnd for me.

hav so much on mind i wan to pour it out on the blog. hmmmm. wonder where it all is.

watched xx's tongue piercing thingy I ALSO WANNA GET 1! i love the way it looks. hahaha! ya im mad. i wanted a belly ring once too. lols. havta wait till the feeling of wanting a tongue stud to pass. i like the thought of being able to play wif the tongue stud. LOLS. its like having a never melting candy in ur mouth. one dat taste like metal though. hahaha. hmmmmm. my dear cuzzie xiong ask me not to get it. LOLS. like im mad or something cuz he kept asking if i was ok. LOLS. no im not but the tongue piercing has got nothing to do wif it. hahaha.

i'll b fine when everything is ok. n i hope its soon cuz everything is driving me crazy. im going to grow white hair soon. lols!

i wan to quit this job le. haiz. so super sick of coming here freezing like mad all the time. although the pay is ok but my health is at stake! do not wan to continue life of eating only 1 meal per day. i wan to eat 3 meals isit that difficult?!?!?

ok shall go hav lunch now. after researching things for my colleague..haiz. the food smells so gd! how come everyone start eating in...-.-". suddenly everyone brought food back for lunch. OH they hav a retreat tml! so while everyone else is out having fun relaxing n stuff im freezing to death here. well theres gd n bad. i juz hope theres nothing to do tml. hahaha! mayb order pizza n party by myself. HAHAHA.

this com is so damn laggy la. stupid piece of shit.

~singleton?~

honey-mooners

ok im juz being emo. all below is some form of "release" so i dun feel like everything is packed inside me. hahaha!

u noe how when everything starts out in a relationship as the best time u've had cuz its wad ppl call the "honeymoon" period? how is this rite, when ur suppose to love each other more as time passes by? it shld always b the other way round or at least everything shld become EVEN BETTER as time goes by. cant the love be spread out evenly? so there wun b DOWNS. just tiny ups n downs which wun matter. aniwaes!

was in papa's car when i heard the DJ talk bout something i think is SO SUPER TRUE. y isit when relationships juz started out the guy will always wan to hug, kiss, hold the girl's hand. its just like he canot get his hands off her. but 2-3yrs later, holding hands becomes a problem? the DJ said, the girl will bug the guy to hold her hand n stuff like dat. n the guy will think she is v irritating, or is cuz of sweaty hands, or its hot to hold hands, uncomfortable or wadeva shitty excuses. or simply, juz stops doing it. holding hands is a form of protection, such a simple action actually means a lot. (to me. after analyzing u noe..my own wadevas). cuz i noe how it feels to wait for him to come hold my hand. (sorry if i sound sad...i cant help it...trying to make a point here). i also noe how it feels to wan to hold his hand but u cant cuz of some stupid breakup thing or wadeva. personally, my hand will feel "naked", n i will feel "vulnerable", emo, afraid, etc. when we're 2gether but not holding hands. sometimes i juz wan him to b the one to hold my hand. cuz it has become such a habit dat everytime i see him i'll hold his hand automatically. but of course in this crazy little mind of mine, i think of all sorts of kuku things such "test if he would come hold my hand". n when it fails, hmm...well lets juz sae the feeling is really quite unsetting.

next. listening! im sure everyone has a "go to" fren. someone u can share everything wif. not necessary ur gf/bf. cuz sometimes ppl outside the circle seems to hav more patience. they dun brush it off wif "i dun wan to care laaaaa" kind of attitude. ya its true it doesnt really concern u, but having to talk to each other everyday, there will b stupid uninteresting things like dat too rite?

so wad time does is to decrease the patience n tiny little things dat matters? is dat wad its suppose to b like?

im full of stupid qns 2dae. probably cuz im at home. hahaha!

in serious need of booze. but instead of hunting for it, i poured myself a cup of soya milk. don't i juz love myself too much? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. joke of the day.

i declare myself a guai kia! hahahahaha! dun like clubbing, dun really wan to drink outside, n thoughts bout smoking....is not as strong animore. wadeva. im clearly out of things to talk about.

~"u silly minded cow!"~

emological science

wanted to talk bout something but its not the rite time to do it. esp not here.

everything will b easier now if i didnt "have foresight". my "foresights" come once in a while. n i realise i've tot about the same probs im thinking of now. i worry bout the same things b4. but i juz ignored them. cuz they seem ridiculous n i always think im still young, theres still time, its possible, things will change. apparently not. to me the future seems to b refering to somewhere like "10years later". but as time passes, the 10yrs shld b coming nearer n not further. putting off things will not help, u'll only get older. n by the time u realise the 10yrs has passed, u're a little too late. things will just get harder to let go, to change, n some mite not even b relevant animore.

im thinking "young ppl dun think practically, at least most of them do not..." n dat does not exclude me. is it enuff to let ur heart lead u everywhere? is it enuff to think only about now? is ur thoughts of the future practical? are u true to urself? how many more "10 yrs later" do u think u hav to change things that aren't exactly acceptable now? to engage in a war btwn ur heart n mind takes courage, time, patience n strong will to hold everything 2gether. we canot predict the future, but if we were to think of it PRACTICALLY now, isit one u wan to hav? are u sure?

im toxic im poisonous im wadeva u think i am. most importantly I AM ME. i mite hav lost myself along the way but if i start now i may not havta b waiting 10yrs to find myself again.

the irrelvance among the relevant

~chimalogy 1~

the -.-"!s

this post is dedicated to a few -.-"! ppl.

-.-"! person no. 1: WDA 16th floor receptionist

ms. z, was not a v friendly lady when i 1st met her. 1st impression not v gd. shes the kind u noe will offend ppl de. or when u offend her u die dat kind of person. but after a while ok la she v friendly we talk talk liddat lor. duno y the past few daes she so super dao la. look at her sae "hi" also nv reply. go off sae "bye" also nv sae anithing. cuz usually she always will sae hi n bye de. wads more i didnt do anithing to offend her lor. i only go downstairs to collect n deliver mail or stuff liddat. duno wads her prob. always muz see her cao bin now. gives me even more motivation to quit.

-.-"! person no. 2: one of the guy at the cinema ytd

this guy sat in the 1st row of the cinema wif 2 other person. he look quite old but the lady bside him look like his mama but duno who is the other guy. so it was commercials den ernest was talking to me den he kept turning back "SHH keep quiet". "SHH". den he actually raised his hand la. his actions r so weird lor. the point is the movie also haven start wad...everyone talks during commercials wad. mayb we shld hav talked softer or something lor. but he did the "SHH SHH" thing a few times n i find it quite irritating. mayb im on the "highly irritable" mode. hahaha! den i dun think it was halfway through the movie n the 3 of them left.

-.-"! person no. 3 is non other than myself. HAHAHA. i shld noe cuz i spend all the time wif me.

lunch time soon. hmmm.

~I...quitquitquitquitquit!~

bzbz life

thanks everyone for being here for me! it will really suck being alone esp at this point of time. all of u hav contributed a large amt of thought to my brain. so i believe i've thought about this situation from every possible point of view from the start till the end. hahaha. yes going mad about it being emo at every possible second. lols. n im glad theres so many funny ppl arnd me. lame ones especially. (U NOE WHO U R..) hahaha!

ok so ya i think i really hav activities everyday. lols. so 2dae after jazz went to watch movie wif ernest n bal. Narnia. not interested in these kind of movies leh but since dear renny sae i shld try to watch it cuz its nice so i did. its ok la. partially cuz we were sitting on the 2nd row. hahaha! which made everything look pretty big from some angles. HAHAHA. they 2 v farnie la we sat at mac n talk after the movie. lols. farnie ppl. hahaha! but gd la. at least i get to luff at something n wif someone not at the com. HAHAHA. thanks guys for asking me to go along to watch movie wif u. lols!

oh man super tired. but drank coffee juz now..which means the caffine will kick in once my head touches the pillow.

sux gotta work tml. shall go slp now. wanted to slp earlier than ytd..but well..

~忍~

don't stay

im mad! 1st thing i did after i sat down at the com: LAUGH. at wad? I DUNO. hmm. i really hav no idea wad i was luffing about. it was quite bad so i went to get some tea. came back n im more calm now. hahaha.

mayb its the tot i forgot to bring my jacket to work. im going to freeze to death. to me, its equivalent to being naked in winter. IM GOING TO DIE!

ok er my body clock is kinda screwed up due to my slping at 6am thingy. n its not only once which explains my confusion. it feels like a monday 2dae. ok er i think it was sunday i slp at 6am cuz of clubbing rite. ya...den woke up at 9.30 rite? ya...den went out for BF's gig. was mad at that gig. a very diff me. i think. hahaha!

went for dinner wif BF and ah xiong KOR KOR. hahaha. he went to the gig wif me =D. den after dinner went to see BF's recording. its damn cool la. really cool man. hahaha. but ended quite late. 3hrs 30mins of slp n i can survive until 6am monday morning. HAHAHA. i think im mad liao la. lols. cuz after recording stayed over at renny's wif xiong. den we chat bout v farnie things. we chat bout our papas. HAHAHA. n we could see y they are brothers. they do a lot of similar things la. its farnie. LOLS. luff n talk during supper or breakfast cuz we were eating at the hong kong cafe arnd 3+ to 4.30am. SO MANY GHOST STORIES! im super glad i have a goldfish memory. i love to hear ghost stories but v scared. so my 10seconds memory help me erase all the bad stuff. LOLS. den finally slpt at 6am. i woke up every hr la. but really super tired so went back to slp. den crawled up at arnd 12pm++ i think...cuz renny had to chiong out for music camp. HAHAHA. zhen ke lian.

went brunch wif xiong at PRATA HOUSE. lols. its in caps cuz its suppose to sound scary. the food there is swimming in oil de. LOLS. its nice but really too oily le. eat like half canot eat le. 1st time i waste so much food! =(

didnt hav cash wif me the whole nite so xiong n renny paid some stuffs for me hahaha! ok i shall treat my dear cuzzies to some nice food at timbre. pizza ok! yummie sia. cant wait! this sunday BF @ Timbre. "The Fans" (xiong n i) going b there man. LOLS.

nv tot dat for the once im being filmed by professionals the only thing i could sae was "WE'RE THE FANS". but dat was juz for fun so its fine. HAHAHA. ok being super random.

i hav a much busier life i noticed. bz trying to dig for more time to slp. hahaha!

~1 more & 1 less~

integrated submission

HAHAHA. dats a term i use at work for more than 1 course submissions. LOLS. so yeah i expect this to b quite a long post so pls hav the patience to read it slowly cuz it mite juz concern u...hahahahahhaa!

alrite. didnt talk bout graduation??

THURS: Graduation

ok the only thing i was super happy about on dat dae was my hair! finally nice constant neat curls. juz wanted to wash n blow but didnt expect the guy to help me style it too. super nice guy somemore. v friendly n talk v farnie. n from some angles he look like jay chou. LOLS. thinking of perming my hair....hmmmm. $$$!!! =(

went for breakfast+lunch+dinner wif vivz at 5pm. SEE 1 meal again..-.-" walked arnd bought a dress! PRETTY! really wan to go back n buy more. hahaha. den met up wif my cuzzies renny n xiong. had about 2 cups of coffee n couldnt really slp (mentioned in the previous post). spent my time awake thinking.................

FRI: Partyworld!

after work met up wif vivz n went cine to wait for the rest. den ernest, sky n eve came. not hungry cuz of the acidity in my stomach. (ONE meal again...) den went partyworld n sang our hearts out. (at least i did)..had some real sad songs, alternate btwn on the verge of crying n crying. hahaha! yes im mad. den when we were done, renny n mr ang came to meet us. hahaha. went home wif renny n mr ang, went to renny's hse first den cabbed to my hse. den they went to deliver stuff. dat was like 12+. hahaha. watched tv n slp at 2am.

NEXT

im taking a break now. no contacts no meet up. so many details i do not wan to go into. but ytd had the nite of my life.

went airport suppose to send ricky's mama off but was 1hr+ late. HAHAHA. so screwed up. so went there juz nice his mama go off le den we going for dinner. decided on brussel sprouts at clarke quay. dear eve's suggestion. hahaha. we the 4 of us, plus dear vivz, left for clarke quay. but b4 dat we went to this chocolate shop place at the airport n ricky bought us brandied cherry. hahaha! so ex la! like 7 pieces was $22+ liao. i still prefer mark's & spencer's cherry liquers! YUMMIE.

when we reach clarke quay, NO SPACE so we waited. meanwhile walked arnd n found this chocolate bar place. hav pics but super lazy to upload. heh heh. ordered irish hot chocolate. has whiskey in it. but its too thick! the first few sips are real nice. drank like half n felt so full. left like quite a bit really canot finish up le. too thick to my liking. will ni de.

dinner at brussel sprouts!

eve recommended the crepe, wad wild mushroom, ham n cheese. SUPERB. a bit gooey though, looks gross sometimes but VERY NICE. nx we had the duno wad platter. everything is nice! finally tasted meatloaf. hahaha. n theres shao rou too! but they removed the skin. n taste more like boiled than roasted. but very nice! den we had musscles n fries (fries r free flow but we didnt get a 2nd serving). we had fruit beers too! eve took peach, vivz took pink grapefruit, ricky took rose n i took apple. the rose one was really nice! had a fruity soury flavour to it. but real nice. like ricky said we shld hav more of such outings la! hahaha! so fun. juz eat, enjoy, chillout n chat. hahaha!

THEN..arnd 11pm or something...

totally didnt xpect to b doing wad we did nx.

went to meet up wif carol, sky n khaliq (not sure how to spell ur name leh. sorrie ar. hahaha!). went MOS. got our tix then went mac. they had some food. n they talk bout v farnie stuffs. hahaha. luff like mad GAHMIT singh. hahaha! duno y dat was super farnie to me. LOLS. but eve was going mad bout it also. hahaha.

CLUBBING @ MOS

always tot i wun go clubbing i hate it cuz the music is so loud n ppl havta dance n a lot ppl n everything...i hate crowds la. but always muz try! so i gave my virgin experience to eve, vivz, carol, sky n khaliq. it was super super super super super weird la! too many ppl, the lights make me even more dizzy (cuz crowds usually already make me dizzy n feel like fainting..).

den the guys went to get drinks for us, i had this vodka lime thingy. taste weird to me. dun really wan to take sour stuffs now cuz my stomach like too much acid. den everyone was dancing n the music is really super loud. went to quite a few rooms had diff feel but ended up in smoove.

had to hang on to the stupid bag =( no space mah. so xtra. den slowly join everyone start to move hahaha! den i duno when sky went to get 2 pichers of vodka redbull. me eve n vivz drank one on our own. n we drank super fast. den somewhere i duno when again we had more drinks again, but had vodka lime again. den continue to dance. squeezed into the dance floor n WOW. its like high liao.

real happy went wif frens cuz they noe wad its like, so they noe how to protect us. HAHAHA. cuz the ppl there really got pervertic ones arnd la. we 4girls like keep getting surrounded by guys all keep standing bhind den keep standing closer n closer. den so many hands all over but mostly is vivz n eve de. lols. den felt some pervertic ppl anihow touch n grab our butts. but we were constantly checking if we were fine so when theres anithing we quickly switch places. hahaha. we danced straight to 5am ok! omg! lols. i think its a 1st to most of us ba. we got in n out of the dance floor a few times. the alcohol high wore off liao everyone were sweaty n sticky but i felt fine juz hot but didnt sweat one bit..too unhealthy liao. HAHAHA. super tired ar!

HOME @ 6AM

shared a cab wif carol vivz n sky. the taxi uncle v farnie la..cuz a lot ppl flagging for cab on the road mah. so were we but we were in front of the taxi stand. den the uncle stop at the taxi stand so we juz got in the cab. den the uncle sae he dun like so many ppl anihow stand on the road he only stop at the taxi stand. den he sae he stop for us also cuz got 1 guy n many girls usually mean will go a few places. -.-" so direct sia. hahaha! den he luff. LOLS. i was the 1st to get off. hahaha. reach home faster shower n slp.

woke up at 9.30am. i only slpt 3hrs 30mins! ARGH. couldnt slp animore la. laze on the bed den finally got off the bed at 10+. so decided on blogging lor. hahaha.

MAJOR PANDA. seriously considering mtm.

LATER PART OF TODAY: blackforest gig @ east coast!

going to BF's gig later. vivz de class gathering. ask my dear cuzzie xiong to come along too. hahaha. duno if we'll b going for dinner or wad after dat. hahaha.

-------------------------------------------------------

its real fun but its worrying as well. but true love can withstand the test of time. u think its hard now?? this is juz the test. the EXAM is coming. dont u dare for 1 moment think this is easier for me...

-------------------------------------------------------

its lunch time already? OO. i had something close to 2 meals ytd! HAHAHA. okok shall go hav my 1st meal n NOT the last meal of the day. i hav plans to eat dinner 2dae ok! hahaha!

~independence?~