bittersweet symphony

ahh. so exams r over for quite a while, chinese new year is over blah blah blah. so. i guess i'll be wasting some 9wks of my life on attachment. yes of course we should all get some work experience from the field we're studying but u noe, not all posts give u meaning to the job ur doing. finding myself stoning staring at a useless com trying so hard to pass time, is just making me turn green. turn green as in grow mouldy. for 8hrs 30mins. tried looking for things to do from other depts yes we got something but theres no link either. gosh they treat us just like what i noe we will b there to b, FREE LABOUR.

fine shall not complain bout trashy attachments n wadsoeva. its meaningless. totally.

for now my life is full of working working driving slack working slack. drag myself out of bed to go work somemore n eat slp slack eat slp slack driving n the list goes on. i want my hols back. life is so dead without a decent long break.

im going to celebrate my bdae by delcaring holidae on the first day of sch. YEAH. everyone goes home to celebrate my bdae. thats gd rite. excellent.

finally managed to book the driving test. its on 8th of aug. n bout a wk after that, sem xam starts. everything just has to happen at the same time everytime. but well, its $154.40 so i'll just havta go aniwaes. hope i'll pass on the first try.

hmm. hows new year. its ok. the family thing i had when i was young compared to now, is quite a big diff. it used to b the best thing on earth when chinese new year is here, but now it just seems like some normal party thingy we just get 2gether n 'yeah yeah hahaha' thats all. but ok, finally manage to see my cuzzie perform wif her band Black Forest. their gd. my cuzzie was amazing. i knew she could sing but didnt noe she could sing THAT well. gd for her. =)

ok so looking at others make me feel i've nv got anithing right in my life. i hope its just not time yet. everything i do is just average. sux big time. just look at my cuzzie, i've been compared to her since i was young, her grades r better, shes much more talented than me etc. even when my mama stops saying it, i'm starting to compare myself. shes just 1 person. so if i cant beat 1 person, i'll nv beat anione? how bout the rest of the world? i dun wan to beat the whole world i just wan something different to b different somehow, someways. wadeva. it just sux. at least i dun eva lie to myself telling the world how wonderful a person i am. like some ppl who really does dat. n has the 'talent' to sae things n ppl just stupidly believe. thats a 'talent' but gosh it really pisses me off. that kind of 'talent' can b used to cheat gulliable aunties. can go get a job like some salesman or shit. wadeva.

keep thinking of a plan to save so i can buy a car when im 21 or something. i really really wan a car of my own. i'd really love a purple lambo. saw it in Bam's Unholy Union. i think its really pretty. but i calculated. cars r really ex. 1500 per mth for 7yrs can juz get a normal car. all the gas n the maintainence fees? its not easy. n getting 1500 per mth income for the rest of ur life till u retire without promotion or wadsoeva, omg u just hit half a mil IF u can save every cent. meaning u dun eat or own a hse pay bills or wadeva which we all noe is totally impossible. need money! badly. hence the multiple jobs. lets see wad i will turn into nx monday. hmm. either someone whose eyes hav been punched real badly, or simply a zombie. cuz i'll b working from monday to sunday. the only dae i can rest is sat morning, then i'll b going to work at night.

hav i talked bout the shows? hmm. hossan leong's multiple personalities is farnie. his a gd joker on stage. but a super dao guy/gay person off stage unless he sees the audience ppl waiting for him, or mayb his 'fans'. super miss jack and the beansprout. at least they bother to thank us or at least smile at us u see. hossan leong just walks 'cement faced' pass us. HELO without us ur show will not b a success u noe. although our job seems redundant, but imagine the audience strolling all over just to find their seats esp after the show starts, ppl who r late just starts pouring in disturbing ur act. GOSH. how dare u despise us. to think i admired him for his fluency in french n his near perfect english, n his courage to show that he is gay in public. how many ppl dares to do that man? except that couple the colin n whoeva. the local happy gay couple. give them my support but hav no idea how their doing after so long. ok enuff of gays.

nx show is titoudao?? or something. sounds like some ti tou dao, some knife or blade or thing to shave the head. ok so its by toyfactory. i hope its gd. as much as i like jack n the beansprout. i hope to watch something better than that. something dat can make me sing their songs, wan to buy their tracks etc. remember all their jokes n luff bout them. ok so 8days saes its heartbreakingly touching. which means i expect to cry. its rated the play of the year in 2001. cant really see. so should b gd. it'll b on from the 1st march to 31st march. i will b there on the first 4 daes working 5 shifts in total. ok cool. so there r casts from jack n the beansprout like sebastian tan n karen tan. they hav acted in various countries. cool. now im sure its nice.

if only promoting can earn money. HAHAHA.

ok so i think i better get to bed. if not i'll havta drag myself up again! sux. hate it. ARGH.

~'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to money then you die~

nonsense loads of it

depression hav set in. before during n after xams. just at a different degree i guess. i guess im yearning for something that we see almost everywhere. something im jealous ppl can get when ppl r getting it. i cant sae i dun hav it i just want more.

y isit we always want something we dun hav. y cant we ever b satisfied? making our own lives so damn miserable.

just feel like history is repeating itself again like it always does. its just so hard. we always try to please the ppl who dun really seem to b 100% satisfied wif us, n we neglact the ppl who please us. when we find the ppl who tried hard to please us, is not so keen on pleasing us already, we miss it n start to regret. over n over again it happens. we can nv get the best out of both worlds but we can get nuts out of both.

i regret something. i regret not having the courage to hug my mama when she's so damn sad when her father passed away. the hugging thing juz dun happen in my family. shes my mama god dammit. i keep thinking of this n im going to go crazy. choked wif tears i say. this is just 1 thing. im talking bout a general view of things. in this family we just dun show love. i dun see it. i dun even find my parents to talk about anithing. except money n some stupid things that happen. the rest, we're just shouting n screaming crying at each other or wadsoeva. the way we show 'care' is by scolding n stuffs i guess. n i dun wan to b liddat. i hate the way things r now. it makes me emo. n i hate that.

talking bout me, i believe im not the only 1. many hav been doing things to try to please our parents. we do things that we dun really like or we push ourselves a lot just to get something our parents will sae "wow! gd job" or wadeva positive things. i find it v sad, when we try so hard to do something right, all we get is "u could hav done better" or just even nothing at all. i hardly exist in this family unless something happens to my dog or when my papa is in a bad mood, he starts scolding my bros n i for things that happen long ago. or when my maid does something he really dislikes like cook really bad food (according to him). he'll sae to me "this is y u havta study hard. u canot end up as stupid as they r" i find everyone to him is imperfect n his the only one that gets things rite. its like he tries to find bout something to scold about after he gets angry wif anione. bangbangbangbangbang we get shot for nothing.

there use to b so much but it doesnt increase it only decreases. isit the same luck im going to hav this yr or isit for live? the same rotten luck i lived wif for the last year. love in every way is affecting me i cant stand to just b alone. i've nv known the most cruel picture can b one wif smiles in it. cuz looking back at wad i had n wad i hav now, i can see i've lost some.

or mayb i hav not cried for so long my tear ducts r so heavy wif water it has to come out or something. just feel like crying n crying n crying.

HAHA. im fine. too overwhelmed wif feelings after xams. HAHA.

ok i havta go now. GOSH i havta fix the stupid left arrow. cant believe i survived so long without it.

no slimming 2dae. not in the mood. =D

~where do i begin?~

just tell me when u've had enuff of me n my nonsense.

celebrations after hell

This is the er..cha-something something. Egg thingy from sakae sushi. They hav the pumpkin thingy on the left, the not so healthy steam egg thing, theres chicken at the bottom, and the original egg thingy. I ate it ALL. cuz honey doesnt like it. =( Told the waiter i wanted one of each he was like "HUH? ONE OF EACH?!!" den i started luffing n said yaya. hahaha. FOOD. well its included in the buffet aniwaes. why not?





Well, theres suppose to b 6 pieces of the salmon sushi thingy too, but well. honey ate it b4 i took the pic. had a plate of 6 b4 this. dats 12 salmon sushi in total. so little rite. tsktsktsk.










Another piece of salmon sushi gone but wif a plate of tako sushi. hahaha! eat till explode.












Look at the empty plates bowls thingys. the 2 miso soup is drank only by my honey. i only took 1 teaspoon of it. n 1 small piece of seaweed. hahaha!










Good celebration meal. Courtesy of ME. Sakae sushi is being voted the lousiest sushi buffet restaurant place. n if thats 100% true, im NOT surprised. all ur paying for is the a little bit little little bit of classy ambience. the food is so super ex. BUT the sashimi seems to be fresher. I like suki actually cuz a plate of sashimi is included in the buffet unlike sakae. sakae ppl smart. make us pay, give us sushi wif lots of rice so we will eat lesser.

exams hopeless le. really didnt study much for anithing at all. so the results, sure to b like shit. duno wads the prob. just no motivation, no stress, no fear of xams. its like, no interest le.

oh the cockroaches in the backyard r celebrating too. 5 of them crawling around like they having some party. dun worrie. i put poison in their punch. hope they die soon. pointless for them to b alive aniwaes.

ok. so now xams r over. wad to do!? of course! continue wif my slacking drama show watching live of mine. for just another few more daes, n itp starts. when is the torture ever going to end?!?! never ever. am i not right?

borrowed books from library. hahaha! im so occupied.

broke. wonder if ocbc can grant me advance payment.

am hungry already. sakae was my lunch-dinner. 4+ 5. n now im hungry. YEAH! can slp late. wonder if i should go for slimming tml or not. hmmm. hope it really REALLY works. i noe to hav a flat tummy in one pathetic 20mins session is not possible. haiz. hope against hope it will happen ba. =D

~psychological or just the feng shui?~