128128128

damn. 128. this bloody number. 128! i juz needed another 2 damn marks to get distinction. for my jazz piano xam. my plan was to get distinction for all. DAMN. NOW I DUN HAV DISTINCTION. EMO DAY. =(

arent i juz so xin fu? i hav my dear cuzzies to listen to my troubles! love u guys loads really. even my deardear ask me to "consult" in u guys about our r/s probs. cuz now the prob is wif my parents. haiz. i love u all really! truly madly deeply. LOLS. <3

dun worrie deardear i love u loads too. im sorrie u havta go through all these #!*$% things. haiz. i hope we wun b stress bout other things againnnnn...

tummy tummy tummy!!! need..to..exercise..jog!

ytd went sentosa wif vivz to sun tan. end up shes so red but nothing on me!! =( its not obvious at all dat i sun tan. im not red at all. n my bikini tan line is like....absent. yes bikini! hahaha! 1st time i wear bikini out wif anione bsides er mr. b. hahaha! OH there was a jellyfish!!! in the sea! the lifeguard was warning everyone "jellyfish spotted! stay close to the shore!". nx thing theres this guy wif a net n a bucket wif the lifeguard n they walked bhind us (cuz we were sitting on the shallow part of the beach chatting) n pointed n said "there! the black spot!". gdness. it was like not damn far away from us. its really big n yucks!

i juz realised instead of getting tanned, i actually got muscle aches instead. i wonder y n how the hell i got muscle aches from sun tanning at sentosa. im really aching all over la! -.-"

i shall go tan again! hor deardear?? =D

~will all b fine again pls?!~

the unsaid, wtf of the year

curfews n restrictions shld decrease as age increases. but mine doesnt. mine gets WORSE. its getting SO DAMN ridiculous i really duno wad to sae la. it totally pisses me off lor. which 20 yr old still gets told this "go home straight after all ur classes!", "take ur lunch n dinner at home, dun ask anione to go out for lunch or dinner dates. n when ppl ask u dun juz go" WTF of the yr man. (SORRY but YES i do hav a temper i do get angry too). which includes my drum lessons n stuffs AND work. how dumb is dat?! its like CHAIN ME UP THEN.

once upon a time, i told my parents i applied to b a piano teacher at cristofori. ONCE UPON A TIME papa and mama were quite happy dat i did dat. "ya i think dats gd" they said. nodding n smiling like "WOW FINALLY she does the right thing." cuz i had shitty jobs b4. n they keep telling me to get a job related to finance, OR MUSIC. ONCE UPON A TIME AR.

TODAY. papa said something like "i really dun think ur doing the right thing now unless u tell me wad u wan to do" ya theres really something wrong wif the sentence itself but as the daughter for the past 20yrs. let me decode it for u. it says "i dun think teaching piano is wad ur suppose to do. unless u can tell me u hav plans to be a piano teacher" BUT papa also said b4, n emphasized it a couple million more times "DUN EVA be a teacher" because.. "LOOK AT UR MAMA". he dun like wad my mama is doing. so even if i were to tell him i wan to b a piano teacher. ITS WRONG. am i not rite to sae dat?

they're not even happy for me when i sae i became the lead trainer la. they said they still think its not a job i shld b doing. n dat lead trainer thing is teaching DJ-ing programme. not radio dj. those real dj at clubs. n some other programme as well. 2hrs 50bucks. i use to havta work 1whole dae juz to get like wad 40+ bucks? now its only 2hrs. wads so terrible? y cant they b happy for me?

DEN. i passed my stupid bloody AFP. i got my cert 2dae. to them its juz another piece of paper. like u can juz pick it up on the streets. HELLO. i noe i didnt study for it but HEY I PASSED LOR. me? no time management? duno how to handle my studies? at least i bothered to retake the stupid thing la.

y dun they juz live my life for me la seriously. i'll juz b the puppet lor. they ask me do wad i do wad. dats wads happening now aniwaes. zun zun after work 9.45pm muz call me wor. zun zun 9pm after my class end. muz call me also. put a frigging tracking device on me la. save phone bill somemore. wad the hell did i eva do to make them NOT trust me AT ALL. WAD??? its not like im pregnant, its not like i got home dead drunk, its not like i steal, kill or wadeva the hell isit ppl do. i go out hav fun come home in 1 piece. IM 20 LA. NOT 12. wtf lor. n wad having fun is wrong la? ya not suppose to b happy now lor hor. suppose to study till i go mad die n rot at home. ARGH BLOODY ANGRY LA. Y THEY TREAT ME LIKE LITTLE GIRL. WTH. things were diff in sec sch lor. sec sch go home 2, 3am nvm la. NOW. WTF 11PM??? 10PM??? WTF.

even more stupid thing. im not allowed to date. they dun even wan me to b attached. SORRY BUT I ALREADY AM LOR. n dun wan me to see my deardear animore?? for jamming ok but other times canot. like wth?! n tell me "before i get to noe who he is i dun wan u to date him n let him date u". HAHAHA. YA DEN HOW U GOING TO NOE HIM? U GOING TO DATE HIM LA. HA. HA. HA. wadeva la crap shit. den tell me wad its ok if nx time i canot find anione. PAPA SAE HE'LL FIND FOR ME. WTF. YA....matchmaking sia. ya lor. parents pick. YES IM SURE I'LL B HAPPY WIF ANIONE THEY HANDPICK LOR. IM SURE THEY CAN FORCE US TO LOVE EACH OTHER LOR. IM SURE I'LL THEN B XIN FU FOREVER. im as sure as the sun rise from the west n set in the east la. im DAT sure man.

haizhaizhaizhaizhaiz. no matter where i go wad i do n everything muz come up wif report de den can. n when its time to go home muz go home immediately. wa lau sounds like pri sch.

i hope i get depression soon. SERIOUSLY.

lunch 2dae was SOOOOOOOOOOO #$^#!@ as well. 1hr nia. still die die wan pick me up bring me home make me gobble down my food den rush to send me back to work. im not saying i dun love home cook food. theres juz times when its not suitable to do crap like this lor. my students always reach b4 their class start de. he manager ppl wait for him nvm. im not leh. other ppl's parents will niao me one lor! he dun need listen to these crap but i do lor! haiz. duno how to put himself in other ppl's shoes. sux la. do things only think u havta hav it ur way. nv think of other ppl. its not like u urself rush here n there speed here n there v safe n v fun lor. really la. ridiculous. den still wan do the same for dinner somemore. mad. den i sae i meeting my deardear. WA. angry again. wa lau. really crap la. i havta eat dinner wad. wth is wrong? lonely v fun lor hor. ya lor depression also v fun. no frens even more fun. the best is rot at home lor.

work they also not happy. dun work they also not happy. wtf la. wadeva i do they also not happy. im so damn bloody tired of all the crap. if only i lost the ability to shut up n listen...

~YES i do get REALLY pissed off once in a while~

step 1

wad in the world?! this goes to show no point studying man. everytime i study super hard i end up getting shitty grades. did this super last min thingy for AFP n wad i passed. wth i didnt even bother to read the qns! -.-" this is so wadeva. hahahahaha! imagine me wear pretty pretty, n all i brought to the xam hall was my handbag. n inside it was pencil, eraser, calculator, n my personal belongings. nv even bother to bring my notes. this is so crappy. i still cant believe i passed. how can u pass without reading the qn?? dats like damn heng la! 95qns leh! wth! -.-" if i were to buy 4D dat dae..sure strike.

n now dat i passed..i havta treat those guys dim sum 3 times. oh shit. HAHAHA. i was DAT sure i will fail again la. who knew... im like flat broke now la. sorrie guys wait till nx mth k. i only hav 10bucks for the rest of this mth. =(

mayb they typed wrong. i juz dun understand.

aniwaes! i havta go shower n slp now. deardear waiting for my call! hahaha! 2dae haven been a nice smooth sailing day..but tml will b a better day ba. theres TONS of outings n stuffs i hav yet to update about! ok mayb not stuffs..somethings r private. dear is so yi ji bang, juz dat he shld learn to think less. esp of wad my parents sae. haiz. parents will b parents. they always hav things to sae bout every single thing. dun think so much!

~thick n thin~

Ah Kong

hav disappeared for quite a few days. 5 daes to b exact. barely slpt 14hrs in these 5 daes. our beloved grandpa passed away on 3rd aug. so many things happen this past wk! the super happy n the super sad. the mixture of feelings n odd slping time is giving me wad seem like insomnia. cant slp! super tired but juz cant get to slp. shall try to slp later.

tot i wouldnt cry at my ah kong's wake. managed dat for a few daes until 2dae. gdness. n all the prayers n blessings we've gone through, i still hav one specific prayer stuck inside my head. its like im hearing it from a distance. it is scary if u think about it but somehow its juz calming to me. hmmm.

the past few daes felt like i've distanced myself from the outside world for quite a long while. feels so dreamy..unreal. denial?? cant b rite. or its juz the insufficient amt of slp?

ahh yes i do wan to thank my deardear. for pei-ing me from 11pm+ all the way till 6.25am on the first nite. not sure if my parents noe, but im v sure they already suspect something. it was really nice to hav him there. =). we talked so much bout wad we xpect out of some of the aspects of our r/s. it was kind of a serious talk too. hahaha. n the past few daes i've come to realise my deardear is real sweet. hahaha! oh well honeymoon or not as long as we're happy.

theres so many things dat cant b explained. the reason y we havta follow such superstitious thingy. y im doing wad im doing. ppl qn y im wif my deardear. even my deardear ask me y im wif him. lols. i cant explain y im feeling dat way can i? it JUST IS!

being 2gether wif my cuzzies for the past few daes wa. we got to noe even more things man. i think its real nice we're such a closely knitted bunch. love u guys!

~ah kong we'll miss u!~